Dude eating a sugar cookie: I don’t think I’d wanna have sex with anything that has claws!
— North Campus
(Two girls, walking in from the snow)
Disgusted female athlete: Oh my god, I’m, like, totally, like, dripping wet!
Sympathetic friend: Yeah, I know, like, snow is, like, only half water!
— Bartels
Helpful Cornellian: Well, just go outside, strangle a small squirrel and get back in there.
Stressed-out Cornellian: That’s the best advice I’ve ever heard!
— Arts Quad
Fratstar on thursday night: So then I opened the door. And suddenly I realized ... I wasn’t at a bachelor party, I was at a sweet 16!
— Asian Noodle House
Obstinate girl: I think babies are cute, but that doesn’t mean I want to fuck them!
— Thurston Ave.
Engineer talking about his Battle Bot: Ours is going to have feelings though. And a killer instinct.
— Ivy Room
Inebriated girl to intoxicated girl: You’re dilated so bigly!!
— Thurston Ave.
Girl 1: Why can’t you just catch the damn Goldfish when I throw it to you?!
Girl 2: Well, no igenerally when I’m catching things in my mouth, it’s not from across the room!
— Apartment in Collegetown
Pleading Boy: What do you want from me?!
Bitter Girl: I want you to stop fingering all of my friends!!!
— Collegetown
Girl 1: Were you the one telling dead baby jokes?
Girl 2: No, I usually don’t cross that line.
Girl 3: I know so many — my high school went through a major dead baby joke phase.
Girl 2: So, that was right after the teen pregnancy phase, right?
— Collegetown
Overheard Dec. 4: 'That was after the teen pregnancy phase, right?'
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