GONZALEZ | God Is Good Because Things Could’ve Happened Differently

Habakkuk 3:17-19 (NIV)

“17 Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, 18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. 19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to tread on the heights.”

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I discovered the communication major at Cornell during my junior year of high school. Soon after, my family dealt with a lot of illnesses, and I began to intensely struggle mentally. 

I applied to a small number of colleges, was waitlisted at my target schools, rejected by the other Ivies, and my safeties sent me to satellite campuses. However, a month before Ivy Day, I received a likely letter from Cornell. I thought maybe it was a God thing.

If it was, I wanted to lean into it wholeheartedly.

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At Cornell, I joined the Christian campus ministry Cru because my family and Christians were all I knew. Christianity is family to me. I decided to go all in and cosplay as a more sociable, confident version of myself — I started connecting with people everywhere via GroupMe. 

I attended Calvary Chapel every week, found a lovely all-girls Community Group that I still talk to regularly now post-graduation, and I accidentally joined Cornell Claritas, a journal of Christian thought, as an e-board member via its former Editor-in-Chief and my friend, Joaquin Rivera ’25. I attended every leadership and Real Life event — always somewhere, doing something, with someone.

My fears subsided as my community grew, and I saw God in everyone around me. I talked with random people about Christ, about faith, and God, and felt like I was growing my own faith through these interactions.

I adored and thanked God for the community he had given me — and I started worrying that it might be too good to be true. I asked God to help me not worry too much.

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Fall came again, it was sophomore year, and it was as if every social fear came to fruition through a series of unfortunate events and the end of a friendship I cared deeply about. I was failing classes, confused as to why reconciliation was not happening, and other relationships were struggling. I was stressed because I felt I had no wisdom or answers. I failed to be as socially confident as I was as a freshman. Yet, I wanted to reconcile with everyone because I believe in a God of restoration in times of hardship. 

At my lowest, I wanted to disappear. I was angry that I let myself get hurt, angry that I wanted to reconcile with literally everyone, angry that I was not loved the way I was told I was by some, angry that I did everything I was supposed to do and kept giving it to God, and angry that I lost composure in front of others. I stepped away as a leader, but I kept the Christian community, just quieter and more personal.

I refused to betray little Anj, who prayed for Anj’s continued salvation in the future. I did not want to sabotage tomorrow over today. I want God to be there at the end, most of all. So, I planned to graduate early, joined The Sun, applied to D.C. internships, scheduled smaller group and one-on-one hangouts, and prioritized healing my faith and my family.

…

There are a lot of things I can say about my very chaotic last few years, but there is just one thing I want to affirm: God is good because all these things could’ve happened differently. 

If I had not been sick, I probably would not have used a random old essay as my personal statement for Cornell. If I were not hurt, I probably would not have channeled that energy into independence by interning at the Smithsonian’s National Museum of Asian Art. I would not have branched out and joined The Sun, ultimately having the opportunity to write well-received articles, break awesome stories, and make key connections. I would not have worked so hard to graduate early. 

If I had not been sick, I would not like boba, photography, or writing as much as I do. I would not have formed many of the female friendships and brotherhoods that have developed over the last three years.

My faith and understanding of the Scripture are very different from what they were a decade ago. I struggle most now with consistency in prayer and attending church, but God appears in His Word, and that sticks with me. 

In Proverbs 16:9 (NIV), it says that “9 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.” I do not know tomorrow, only today. I live in God’s present presence, and let Him make tomorrow as I steward my blessings and wrestle through hard moments.

But the verse I have clung to the most in my final year at Cornell is Romans 4:18 (NIV), “18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed and so became the father of many nations, just as it had been said to him, 'So shall your offspring be.’”

I choose to be optimistic that the future, though at times bleak, will unfold as in His Will — and, against all hope, I in hope believe in a God who restores and heals beyond comprehension. I find peace in the fact that He has me.

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