Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
Cornell has released plans to fully flatten the Slope and replace it with a 14-story parking garage at a press conference held on Monday. The project, slated to begin in Spring 2027, seeks to “improve the parking situation on campus,” which many students have expressed concerns about, according to the administration.
Calling this a “spectacular achievement for Cornell and the Ithaca community as a whole,” President Michael Kotlikoff explained that the garage’s construction will “not only fix the horrendous parking problem that has continued to plague Cornellians, but also add to the natural beauty of our campus.”
Kotlikoff, Provost Kavita Bala, Dean of Students Marla Love and Ryan Lombardi, vice president of student and campus life, were all present to explain the reasoning behind the flattening, the cost and logistics at the 4/20 press conference.
Administrators began the conference with an anecdote explaining the inspiration behind the razing.
“I was out for a walk one day, admiring Cornell’s natural beauty as the president does, when I thought to myself ‘a parking lot would look great right in the middle of the Slope,’” Kotlikoff said.
Administrators cited “countless parking complaints” from the student and staff body as another reason behind the project. “We understand students have had concerns about parking for a while, and we have been tirelessly searching for a way to fix that. It just never occurred to us that the solution would be right under our noses this whole time,” said Lombardi.
The University collaborated with The Big Bad Flattener, a local construction company, to make this happen. The garage will be one of the largest in the world, and the top floor will allow students “stunning views of the Ithaca skyline,” according to Kotlikoff.
The project is projected to cost $420 million and be completed by the beginning of Fall 2027, with most of the construction to take place over the summer. The majority of the funding comes an unnamed donor who is “both a billionaire and really good at basketball.” As per the unnamed donor’s request, a basketball court will be placed at the top floor of the parking garage.
The razing will require the removal of 25,000 tons of dirt, and the finished garage will be almost 1,400,000 square feet, spanning the majority of the Slope. The seventh floor will be “even with the Arts Quad, allowing students a comfortable drive directly to their class buildings” according to Big Bad John, owner of The Big Bad Flattener. The top floor will stand even with the top of Willard Straight Hall.
“We spent a lot of time doing research and planning out the best way to accommodate the needs of students and staff,” Bala said. “Turns out, the Slope is prime real estate for a 14-story garage.”
Campusgoers will still have to pay the parking fee, however.
“We might even have to double [the fee], since parking garages ain’t cheap to build,” Lombardi added.
Aiama Hypocrite ’28, who studies environment and sustainability, explained a personal connection to the project.
“As an intern at Exxon Mobil’s environmental consulting department, I actually deal with a lot of things of this sort. It’s really cool to see something I’m passionate about happen so close to home,” said Hypocrite.
“We were honestly amazed with the amount of support the project received from students,” Kotlikoff said. “So many of them thought the Slope was ugly and a waste of space. It’s refreshing to see people who care so much about the environment voice this perspective and fight for real change on campus.”
Many other students showed support for the development throughout the panel. One student asked during the Q&A, “Why didn’t we put a Walmart here first?”
Kotlikoff and other administrators also made comments about future on-campus locations, suggesting the botanical gardens, gorge trails and Beebe lake as areas that may host future student amenities like a McDonalds or car-friendly infrastructure like a main highway through the Arts Quad.
“All in all, the mission is to improve our campus the best we can. What could be more beautiful than the pinnacle of American infrastructure smack dab in the middle of campus?” asked Kotlikoff at the end of the press conference. He was met with a standing ovation.
Parker Lot is a third-year student studying capitalism and environmental destruction.
4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
