Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
As the end of the semester approaches, the internship race has reached new heights of desperation, but only for one Cornell student it seems.
A survey conducted by the University polled students on their summer plans. The survey reached new heights of success, with a 100% participation rate among undergraduates. 16,137 of all Cornell undergraduates responded affirmatively when asked if they had secured a summer internship for 2026. The lone “No”? You.
“I committed to SpaceX last fall,” said Elan Maske ‘27 in an interview with The Sun. “I had like 50 offers, it was a really difficult choice to make. In the end, I went with where my heart called me.”
Maske, who founded a new project team at Cornell during his freshman fall semester, will be making six-figures over the summer, with housing and meals provided.
One Cornell freshman was particularly inspired to secure his internship with Blackstone, citing his “day ones” on LinkedIn.
“I couldn’t let my fans down,” said Geoff Beighsos ‘29. “They’ve been with me since my college apps run and I knew everyone wanted to hear where I’d end up.”
Incoming freshmen are also looking to come to campus prepared.
“As soon as I got my acceptance letter on Ivy Day, I mass-applied to any position I could find. Luckily, I’ve been building my resume since middle school,” Rez Ume Maxer ‘30 told The Sun. “I’m happy to report that I’ve accepted a position with OpenAI for the summer of 2027.”
The University sent an email to all undergraduates this morning, reflecting on the results of the survey.
“We are so proud of almost all of you. Nearly all of you reflect true Cornell grit and spirit,” wrote University officials. The University declined to comment when asked if they had confidence that Cornell would reach 100% in internship acceptances by the end of the semester.
The email ended with a link to the Cornell Career Services website.
Rich R. Johnson III is a freshman studying interviews and cover letters.
4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
