Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
With the widely admired and deeply mysterious Cornell Batman preparing to graduate this May, a new figure has stepped into the spotlight. Introducing Cornell Joker, a freshman in the College of Arts and Sciences studying performing and media arts, who has, according to eyewitnesses, “kind of just appeared.”
The self-proclaimed “agent of chaos” was first spotted screaming from the top of the clock tower at 4:20 a.m. on Monday.
The Sun sat down with the new character to discuss his plans for campus.
Coming Out of the Shadows
The Sun sat down with Cornell Joker on Libe Slope just after sunset. Dressed in a purple blazer, he greeted with a grin that suggested either confidence or a complete detachment from social norms.
“Batman?” he scoffed, “Great branding. Very into the whole school spirit thing. But where’s the drama? Where’s the narrative tension?”
He paused to let out a loud laugh that lasted several minutes.
“This campus runs on a strict structure. Prelims, deadlines, a cappella shows. I’m just here to… loosen things up,” he said.
Campus Feeling the Effects
In just days since his emergence, students report a series of incidents that fall somewhere between performance art and mild inconvenience.
Cornell Joker delivered a late-night monologue on his makeup routine to a fairly empty Temple of Zeus on Thursday night, according to janitorial faculty.
In addition, Oakenshield’s dining hall’s ice cream labels were replaced with riddles on Friday, including “The Bat has left, the night turns grim, what berry laughs in place of him?,” instead of fan-favorite Beebe Black Raspberry.
As finals season approaches, it remains unclear whether Cornell Joker’s presence will escalate, dissipate or simply become another accepted oddity in campus life. For now, students are advised to double check Eatery for glitches, approach campus buildings after hours with caution and avoid engaging in philosophical debates if they are, in fact, just trying to get to class.
Cornell Joker rolled his eyes when asked how he felt about student’s negative reactions to his actions.
“Why be stressed when you can be entertained?” he asked.
Life After Cornell Batman
Cornell Joker is clear on one thing: he does not see himself as a successor of Cornell Batman.
“I’m not here to protect anything,” he said, “I’m here to ask why it needed protecting in the first place.”
Still, the timing is hard to ignore. With Cornell Batman’s departure imminent, the campus narrative vacuum was inevitable — and Cornell Joker has filled it with unsettling enthusiasm.
When asked if he had any message for the graduating figure, he smiled wide.
“Oh, I think he’ll be watching,” he said. “Everyone loves a sequel.”
Harley Quaint is a second-year student studying psychology.
4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
