Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
After months of applications, essays and standardized tests, this year’s college admissions season is finally over. With our infamous weather machine blessing campus with sunny skies and high temperatures throughout last week’s admitted students days, the newly minted Class of 2030 got their first chance to explore campus, knowing they are now members of our vibrant community.
During this year’s final Cornell Days, I sat down with Percival Theodore Jameson III ’30, who will be attending the Dyson School of Applied Economics, to hear more about what a member of Cornell’s newest class is excited about and what they hope to achieve in the next chapter of their life studying excel sheets and wines.
Mernie Badoff: How has your experience been on Admitted Students Day?
Percival Theodore Jameson III: It’s been exhilarating; the networking opportunities alone have made the long flight from Zurich worth it, but of course, it's easier when it’s your own plane. I do have to say, though, the weather surprised me. I thought it was meant to be all doom and gloom, but it's beautiful out. I can’t wait for every day to be like this next year!
MB: So, why Cornell? What drew you to Dyson specifically over other undergraduate business programs?
PTJ: Well, my father wanted me to attend Wharton, but when I found out that recreational marijuana use is still criminalized in Pennsylvania, I obviously had to choose Cornell. These upstate dispensaries are really something else. Anyway, I figured that Dyson would still get me placed into the TMT team at Goldman Stanley, and that's all that matters, really.
MB: What are you most looking forward to about the next four years?
PTJ: I can’t wait to meet and network with so many like-minded individuals who also aspire to do nothing except create shareholder value. But that also reminds me, I can’t wait to get headshots for LinkedIn. No one will take me seriously until I have the law school in the background of my picture.
MB: What do you think your biggest hurdles will be as a freshman, and separately as a Dyson student?
PTJ: Doing my own laundry, keeping my room clean, I guess, just generally living in a dorm without all the help I’m used to will be really challenging. Honestly, though, I am just so scared of getting past the interviews. … Well, that and intermediate microeconomics.
MB: Just to clarify, do you mean internship interviews?
PTJ: Oh no, of course not, I don’t have to worry about getting my internship, Daddy will make sure I get my 2029 Summer Analyst position at Goldman Stanley. It’s just these business and finance clubs. … I hear that nepotism doesn’t always work. Think of how embarrassing it will be if I get rejected!
MB: What are your career aspirations?
PTJ: Well, as I’ve said, I have my sights set on the TMT team at Goldman Stanley, but really I’m looking to make my escape to the “buy-side” as soon as possible, just don’t tell them that, ha ha. Of course, when I was little, I never thought about private equity. I dreamed of being an astronaut or maybe a doctor, but now I see that rolling up HVAC companies in the midwestern United States is the best way I can make the world a more profitable place.
MB: What is one thing you noticed or saw walking around campus today that you loved and, conversely, one thing you instantly hated?
PTJ: I absolutely loved seeing how many Bloomberg Terminals there are on campus when touring some of the libraries. Of course, I would rather have my own, but this will do for now. As for what I hated, well, I was walking around the Arts Quad with my father when we laid eyes upon a circle of barefoot students sitting in the grass, passing around a petition to divest from the moon because we never landed on it. It was honestly just a little unsettling. I've never seen so many people visibly unconcerned with recruiting.
Admitted students have until May 1 to accept their offer. I think Percival’s testimony speaks for itself; the future of Cornell University is in safe hands!
Mernie Badoff is a junior at Cornell dedicated to business, business, business and occasionally consulting. He can be reached at merniebadoff@cornellsun.com.
4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
