I was but a spring chicken when I arrived at Cornell. Wide-eyed. Kindhearted. Much has changed since then. I began to feel anger boiling inside of me. The source? Electric scooters.
“An electric scooter can be a fast and fun mode of transportation — as long as your route isn't too hilly, you’re comfortable riding in traffic, and you’re riding safely and considerately” reads the opening line of a New York Times Wirecutter review of the best electric scooters.
Let’s go down the list of requirements as they apply to Cornell’s campus in an impartial and composed way.
“Your route isn’t too hilly.” Needless to say, ‘Cornell calves’ could not be achieved in the Netherlands. Strike one.
“You’re comfortable riding in traffic.” At your own discretion. I won’t argue with this one.
“YOU’RE RIDING SAFELY AND CONSIDERATELY.” I rest my case. Strike 75 (I dropped calculus recently, feel free to run the numbers again).
Electric scooters do have benefits, especially on a campus as sprawling as Cornell’s. They’re low effort, fast, don’t require much skill to maneuver and, frankly, they’re fun. But that’s only if you’re on the scooter. As an innocent observer, they’re a nuisance.
I have heard no shortage of stories from pedestrians feeling harassed by these vehicles. Stop, drop and roll is now one of my most highly developed skills. And yes, maybe a part of it is jealousy: I would very much like to stop being late to my 9 a.m. classes and sometimes envy the athletes whizzing by. But, my consolation prize is that, despite myself, I can’t help but think it looks featherbrained. There’s something about having your legs awkwardly crossed on a sliver of plastified metal that evokes the perch of an upright flamingo. When these electric creatures are attempting to make their way uphill, they suddenly become the humans in Wall-E, incapable of rolling faster than I can walk.
The best part of these riders is the stoic look plastered on their faces: There’s a chivalrous je ne sais quoi that makes me think they spent a solid hour flirting with themselves in the mirror that morning. Their quizzical brows would be more legitimate if they were occupied calculating pedestrian impact per minute. (It’s a blessing for this campus that I don't have an electric scooter.)
Something I do appreciate about them is that, in a car-centric country such as the United States, I believe creative ways of being independently mobile are important, and electric scooters offer that freedom. Besides, if it’s something you enjoy, it’s even better! But similarly to how there’s recently been discussion around how people giving up on classiness when traveling by airplane decreases the quality of the experience, I think we should consider it at our scale too. Aesthetic snobbery isn’t exactly a flex, but my pride won’t let me get my own electric scooter, so this pettiness is me projecting. Try roller blades. A bike. A skateboard. I know I’d respect it significantly more. Not to say that my respect for your transportation method means anything, but I’m confident I can speak for at least some of your peers who have begun metamorphosing into suburban deer, perfecting the art of the sidestep due to your chaotic steering. Cornell is a pedestrian campus, so maybe try looking embarrassed when you abuse the sidewalks with your toys.
This frustration for the inconsideration shown to pedestrians isn’t uniquely Cornellian: In 2023, Paris — one of the first cities to allow rental e-scooters — held a referendum on whether they should be allowed or banned in response to increasing accidents. They were banned. Over 90% of voters wanted them gone. Like my opinion, this statistic deserves a grain of salt — only eight percent of registered voters showed up. But the point remains. They’re annoying. And ugly. (I promise I have hobbies.)
Anyways, I have one final item on my indictment’s check-list. Isn’t it a little ironic that most of the people I see zooming around on electric scooters are athletes? You’re telling me you can bench press 250 pounds but walking to the Arts Quad takes it out of you? Curious. I guess I’m essentially wondering when convenience became a virtue. Viewing effort as inefficiency devalues the walk itself and glorifies only where we land. Then again, at Cornell there are no As for effort. Maybe my bullying of scooters is me using them as the scapegoat for a rusty meritocracy. Or maybe they just genuinely annoy me.
In the spirit of Valentine’s Day I’ll end on a peaceful note. Loveth thy neighbor even if they have a scooter, for we are all flawed in some way. And if you have a scooter, loveth thy neighbor more than your scooter — and maybe tap the brakes.
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Elise Clifford '29 is an Opinion Columnist and a Philosophy and Russian student in the College of Arts & Sciences. Her fortnightly column, State of Confusion, approaches the liberties and anxieties honed by disagreement, and the responsibility that comes with forming identity. She involves aspects of symbolism and skepticism that accompany the weight of glorification. She can be reached at eclifford@cornellsun.com.
