I’m walking behind someone and they’re going a fraction of a mile an hour. I try to move left to pass them, and they slowly drift left. So I move right, and so do they. Why is this?
Maybe they lack the leg strength to walk in a straight line, or got drunk before class. Or maybe they are practicing their lateral movement on the sidewalk. Most probably, they’re an aloof tomfool who never learned to control the mechanics of their own body. I encounter these people every day, and have to wonder where they come from, and how they are inadequate at such a basic human task.
The students of Cornell are generally good walkers, unless there are more than three people in a close proximity. Once a couple more variables are added to the sidewalk, some of the greatest academic minds within our country forgo any ability to make a simple analysis of an environment containing other human beings traveling amongst them.
If there is nobody walking within 50 feet in front of you on a busy street, it doesn’t mean you're walking faster than everyone else, it means there are about 50 people held up behind you. Any healthy college student not part of the elderly class who has done this is a fool.
After high school, I thought the days of walking behind large groups strolling together in horizontal lines were over. Somehow, I thought wrong. Although it does happen much less here, the fact it ever happens at all is complete lunacy. Every sensible adult would fall into the reasonable formation of two in the front, one slightly behind if there are three people walking together. With four people, it's two in front, two behind. Any groups larger than 2-3 people should form following the same patterns. I almost feel sympathy when I see someone at the end of a four person row, trying to lean their head in to become part of the conversation. Just fall back and accept that nobody in the group cares about you. You're just getting in the way of the rest of the group — and the rest of us.
People on this campus completely shut down at crosswalks. Any individual with common sense would realize after a week of being here that the crosswalks containing the green signs with the walking person act as stop signs when there is a pedestrian. When the Honda Civic moving at 5 mph stops completely at the crosswalk, I’m pretty sure we can all cross safely without the fear of it flooring zero to 60 in 2 seconds and causing severe injury.
Another select group of buffoons on this campus completely freeze up when it comes to doors. It is in fact possible to use another door when there are multiple next to each other. It is not necessary to stand right in front of a door, and subsequently look surprised when I push it open and it hits you. When a door is see through, vision given to us from our eyes can be used to see who is coming from the other side. Just an observation.
Cornell needs to develop a consistent approach to jaywalking. In New York, everyone jaywalks at every opportunity. Even if a car has the right of way and is halfway through the cross walk, people walk in front of it. I don’t know whether this is right or wrong, but I do know it’s going to happen. I’m sure there are other hellish places in this world where people wait for the walking sign on empty side roads. But at least they still stick to the same plan. Here, chaos reigns. Sometimes I get to the Duffield intersection and everyone is waiting patiently, and other times the streets are full of walkers while cars wait 5 hours to make a turn. I don’t care what route we take, but we need a consensus on our jaywalking identity on this campus. We live in a society, not a jungle.
A final class I want to highlight are people who take the elevator from the first to the second floor. Last year I lived on the sixth floor of my building, so I had to take the elevator. It was usually faster, and going up six flights of stairs is a reasonable task to avoid. Also, since I’m going to the last floor, I’m not delaying other trips up, so it really does no harm. When I come back from a long day of classes, get on the elevator, and someone presses the “2” button, they prove their delinquency and inferiority. Unless they are unable to walk up stairs or carrying something heavy, the stairs must be taken at least 99 percent of the time.
In summary, the people of Cornell are generally asleep at the wheel when taking a stroll. Most of the people I have walked next to on this campus could use a little pep in their step. I truly believe that if they created a PE class called “Learning to Walk,” the stooges of Ithaca could benefit greatly.
Yianni Metis is a sophomore in the Dyson School of Applied Economics and Management. He can be reached at jpm395@cornell.edu.
