From browsing TheRealReal to maneuvering my Google Calendar to texting the group chat about the huzz I spotted at Temple of Zeus cafe, I have a concerning number of ways to distract myself during boring lectures. My favorite, though, is watching old fashion shows on YouTube. Not to fret: I still take notes.
The glamor. The bold makeup. Most importantly: the soundtracks.
I’m by no means a fashionista (although I dabble), but when it comes to runway music, I have a case to make for the 2000s. After watching a few of the Spring/Summer 2027 New York Fashion Week shows this past weekend, I’ve questioned why these soundtracks get me going less than a visit to a ZARA.
Where did the c*nt remixes go?
Exhibit A: Versace FW 2006. The “Twisted Nerve (Kill Bill)” x “Billie Jean” remix (2:16) with a sexy narration of random words, fading into “Funkytown,” then M.I.A. shouting her regular profanities. Not to mention the Goldfrapp pull. The absolute gall to make these transitions. Where did it all go?
Exhibit B: Dior Haute Couture Spring 2007 Yes, it has its … bizarre tracks, but it was so damn tasteful. The transition from “Stranger in Moscow” to “Madama Butterfly” (6:49). Michael Jackson to Puccini! Oh, and don't get me started on the transition to “Drive” by The Cars at 8:25. Heavenly. Succulent. Euphoric. I almost shed a tear in class with my AirPods tucked beneath my hair. And the opera piece wasn’t just smacked in there to make everything sound bougie. Galliano’s collection drew inspiration from Madama Butterfly, giving that music choice a connection to the clothes themselves. That’s what makes the setlist so satisfying.
One thing about these shows is that despite using a mix of mainstream and esoteric picks, they always capture the essence of the show. Nowadays, it's zipping xylophones over bubbles and a house beat, or selections from RapCaviar. Yes, they count as music, but in a place where brands are displaying their careful selections of art through fashion, I expect my ears to enjoy the show as much as my eyes do. There are plenty of older and newer shows I enjoy that don’t employ musical acrobatics. Not every runway needs to become a rave. An ambient score can work beautifully; I just want to feel that someone chose it for these clothes, rather than because a runway needed something playing in the background. I understand the modern trend of commissioning these ambient artists to build the tension and mood of the clothes, but it's like walking around a museum. I look at art with music playing; it could be Rammstein to gawk at Dante’s Inferno or Berlioz to mull over Andy Warhol prints. I want to be moved, not hear Nosferatu’s cackle echoing with eerie violins over an 808 (although that sounds like a pretty good beat …).
Which brings me to my completely unsolicited application for runway DJ.
C*nt. Eclectic. Fun.
D&G Woman Fashion Show Winter 2011. The assignment: 10 tracks mixed into nine minutes and 46 seconds of the après-ski collection with snowflake knits, furs, and gloriously impractical winter dressing. Not haute couture, but I have a vision.
We’ll start off with something to get the crowd pumped for the long-limbed ladies. But wait … brrr … It's snowing! Cue “Christian Dior Denim Flow” a remix by Snow Strippers. I admit it is a little rude to play a Dior-themed song at a D&G runway, but cue the oohs, aahs, and polite golf claps. Before anyone can question my brand loyalty, we’ll slip in “i cant say” by latex fruit and Technopagan.
Skimpy little skirts and booty shorts are paired with long fur boots. I’m not exactly sure what temperature these women are dressed for, but I know it’s got to be “Hot ‘n Cold” by Basement Jaxx. This show is the perfect opportunity for a nod to D&G, a nod to Icedancer. A little Drain Gang feels appropriate for this particular ski trip. We’re still moving, but I want some of that icy detachment in the mix with “Dg Jeans” by Bladee. I’ve noticed that a lot of these shows like to include mixes of classic rock/pop, and so here we have some sampled Tears for Fears with “Fuck Ya Money” by Lil B.
Snowflakes are still fluttering down on the runway … my favorite song to listen to when it’s snowing, and the essence of looking out the window and realizing the entire world is covered in a blanket of snow and school's been cancelled (Cornell would never do that) is “Hardly Ever Smile Without You” by POiSON GiRL FRiEND. In honor of the Slavic models in this show and less electronic-themed music, I want to include a classic “Спокойная ночь” by Kino. Feeding off the vibes of the previous song, despair and limerence all in the perfect bottle for winter, with beautiful clothes and questionable attachment with “Every Breath You Take” by The Police. At this point in the show, we’re seeing extravagant fur coats with cinched waistlines, but what’s a fashion show without a little Rick James? No more brooding; we up with “Cold Blooded” by Rick James. And finally, an upbeat ending that epitomizes the cold, beautiful woman wearing Dolce & Gabbana and ignoring your calls to ski in the Swiss Alps: “Party All the Time” by Eddie Murphy
Could the setlist be better? Yes. I considered going heavier on rave, techno, and trance, but I’ll reserve that for my imaginary Rick Owens commission.
I’m not asking every show to squeeze a billion genres into 10 minutes, or to replicate the exact chaos of a 2000s runway. I just want to hear some personality with a strange transition or an unexpected pull. Give me a reason to want the heels and to Shazam the track ID.
Hosannah Choi is a member of the Class of 2029 in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She is a contributor for the Arts & Culture department and can be reached at hyc25@cornell.edu.
