Editor’s Note: 4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
In a move Cornell administrators are calling “both bold and historically restorative," Cornell University announced Monday that the University will be reverting to the year 2016. “After careful review, we found that 2026 lacks the structural integrity of a good year," said University spokesperson Mike Literus, who launched the Bring Back 2016 Cornell campaign. “I think the University wide revival of the ‘Tumblr-Girl aesthetic’ would make Cornell a better place to study.” This policy, effective immediately, requires all students to “conduct themselves in accordance with 2016-norms.”
While Cornell has yet to release guidance on what constitutes ‘2016-appropriate behavior,’ students are struggling to comply. Thankfully, as an expert in all things ‘culture’ and ‘yassification,’ I’ve compiled a brief list of recommendations to the University and the student body to implement.
- Only wear chokers as an accessory
What can I say? A lacy black choker is simply a 2016 staple. I suggest buying a pack of these multi-colored elastic chokers to ensure that they will pair with any look you create. Brownie points if you wear these chokers with a flannel jacket and skinny-ripped jeans. Remember, 2016 is not the year of “chic” Carolyn Bessette Kennedy-esque beauty — it’s the year of the emo indie girl that lies deep in our hearts.
2. Mandatory EDM-pop in all dining halls
I’ve already created a playlist of all my favorite 2016 bangers from “Roses” by The Chainsmokers to “Don’t Let Me Down” by The Chainsmokers. And how could I forget “Closer” by The Chainsmokers? I’d suggest all dining halls play this playlist at max volume to ensure that every student eating is fully immersed in the 2016 EDM spirit (not sponsored by Slope Day).
3. University-wide Pokémon GO instead of finals
Imagine, instead of taking your finals at Barton Hall, you were instead asked to run around campus and duel for the best Pokémon. Not only would students be able to explore Cornell’s huge campus, Pokémon GO teaches students more about the real world than any class can — it teaches students grit, resilience, teamwork and the power of Charizard.
4. Mannequin Challenge every single time the chimes go off
The chimes go off three times per day and provide ample background music for a student-body wide Mannequin Challenge. Anyways, the chimes usually are too loud for students to hear their lectures, study or talk with friends. Might as well freeze in place, listen to the chimes and honor the memes that make 2016 what it is.
5. Rio De Janeiro filter on all pictures taken at Cornell
I’ve noticed that photos taken at Cornell miss a certain ‘je ne sais quoi’ of 2016, for a lack of better words. To ensure that all depictions of Cornell and the campus have a ‘lit vibe,’ all photos taken must have the Instagram Rio De Janeiro filter. This funky bright filter is sure to not only brighten up Cornell’s campus but also makes sure Cornell’s public image is on ‘fleek.’
6. Athletes must switch from scootering to hoverboarding
We all hate the athlete scooter epidemic. A much cooler 2016 alternative is a hoverboard. These boards are just as fast as scooters but are a better way to ‘aura-max’ around campus. Plus you can learn cool tricks and decorate your board with colorful lights — more awesomer than the ‘utilitarian,’ drab scooter. Just be sure to wear a matching, colorful helmet!
I hope these suggestions can serve as a helpful starting point for both the University and the student body. With full compliance, mutual accountability and a shared commitment to 2016 Tumblr excellence, Cornell can become a place where excellence, EDM, grunge and memes thrive. Should these measures prove successful, I look forward to supporting the administration in any future temporal adjustments to the Bring Back 2016 Cornell campaign.
Tum Ler is a junior at Cornell dedicated to exploring the intersection of dank memes, The Chainsmokers and Cornell’s campus culture. She can be reached at xxxchainsmokerslover_litty@cornellsun.com.
4/20 content is a part of The Sun’s joke issue and contains exaggerated and factually inaccurate information.
