“‘Take advantage of it now, while you are young, and suffer all you can,’ she said to him, ‘because these things don’t last your whole life’” - Love in the Time of Cholera, Gabriel García Márquez
The proliferation of incel-itis has never seen such extremes. A digital post-pandemic era has transformed the occasional disorder into a rampant virus; to be or not to be an incel is no longer an easy question. Dating apps, virtual reality and even AI chat bots deplete capacity for in-person romantic interactions: confessions, confrontations and direct ask-outs are becoming sparse.
In the aftermath of quarantine, the introvert finds themself in the majority and harassment allegations raise the stakes for being emotionally forward. Feeling your feelings has never been riskier. But against rising trends, a loss is suffered if the league of simps should succumb to modern attitudes.
This was the subject of conversation at 3 a.m. in Singapore, where two weeks into exchange, my Aussie-Columbian brother-in-travel admitted his god-honest opinion about dating before 23: Serious commitments are a waste of emotional energy unless both partners are ready to settle. Over grapes and cold ovaltine, we debated the use of relationships in tropical January, and on this front I remain desperately stubborn — the onslaught of youthful romantic suffering is invaluable.
Despite stunted maturity and uncertain post-grad plans, college is the time to be an egregious, unfiltered pick-me. Lust after Level B strangers, cry over freshman year exes, compromise dignity to unredeemable lows. If not now, the conquests are postponed until the world of employment or lack thereof. However frightening vulnerability becomes to the speculative mind, it's well worth the development.
But the first and foremost reason I advocate engaging the romantic sphere with no restraint—besides an utter lack of self-control on my end—is regret. It is generally easier to regret action than non-action, as action yields a tangible result. Refraining from the post-lecture ask out, the skipped formal proposal or crash-out admission to a former RA gives way to an insufferable wealth of what-ifs.
Television host and comedian Trevor Noah said it best in his 2016 memoir, “We spend so much time being afraid of failure, afraid of rejection. But regret is the thing we should fear most. Failure is an answer. Rejection is an answer. Regret is an eternal question you will never have the answer to.” As the cliché goes, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. Having a benched player mentality in the realm of emotional expression is only the perfect recipe for pain and turmoil.
Regret may be a long-term dissociative fugue,but in the moment, denying your inner simp in bottled-up emotional tirades and haphazard journal entries can produce dastardly real-time consequences. Habitual suppression of strong romantic feelings has real cognitive costs and can even threaten academic success, especially if longing is particularly strong. Suppression prolongs emotion, creating a rebound effect in which negative feelings intensify. Pinning down pining also eats cognitive bandwidth, increases potential for distraction and weakens decision making. Though harboring a crush seems inconsequential at times, it amplifies stress and alters risk evaluation.
Release becomes necessary when fierce romantic tension is pocketed away: Some have worthy outlets, spinning ballads out of heart-ache or shooting hoops to expend anger after tough convos. Some are unprepared to pour emotions into other sectors of life, or the extremity of love and limerence isn’t satisfied by once enjoyable pastimes. This is when implosion and explosion become tragic possibilities: Infatuations ignored snowball into behavioral travesties that sever friendships and dismiss interests, giving way to social doom.
It’s all doom and gloom for keeping feelings at bay, but the undiscussed benefits of open simping is really where it's at. Regardless of my compadre’s good opinion, if you do invest in a relationship before 23, it generally benefits from emotional risk-taking. Disclosures and responsiveness facilitate trust between partners and pave the road for longevity.
A popular study invited randomly selected married couples to a vacation rental-esque environment, in which researchers took note of “bids for connection.” Bids were small, everyday attempts spouses made at affirmation, attention or engagement in laughs and jokes. Reciprocity was monitored as some acknowledged bids while others ignored them. Six years later, participants in the study were contacted again regarding their status: Pairs still married turned towards bids 86% of the time, while new divorcees only engaged in bids 33%. Noticing emotional signals in a significant other is the life blood of enduring connection — without risking neglection, this wouldn’t be possible.
Beyond adding months to your evolving situationship, simping loudly and proudly has the most to offer in the field of character development. Learning to mitigate strong feelings and turn them into positive action is a vital skill to take into the roaring twenties and beyond, impossible without a little sacrifice. Every dump and ditch, each unthinkable turn down or absence in reciprocation, is a lesson. Suffering in the instant is self-improvement at the next opportunity.
That popular quote by Rumi is applicable to simping too: “The wound is the place where the light enters you.” Although post-devastation growth isn’t automatic, most survivors experience more self-confidence, stronger personal identity and awareness in the aftermath. As light enters the wound, wisdom enters the simp when the consequences of feeling, whether brilliant or insufferable, come to fruition.
So when the crossroads between emote or incel emerge with the stakes on high, abandon pride. Engage the ungodly sphere of ‘floorcest,’ DM the hockey player you root for religiously just because of his aura. Sincerely make an avowal of love for your TA. Squander the fear of freakdom and be pathetic to the max this Valentine’s season. There isn’t much to lose but a whole lot more to regret. And if you don’t act fast, the impossible modern simp might beat you to it.
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Kira Walter '26 is an opinion columnist and former lifestyle editor. Her column Onion Theory addresses unsustainable aspects of modern systems from a Western Buddhist perspective, with an emphasis on neurodivergent narratives and spiritual reckonings. She can be reached at kwalter@cornellsun.com.
