By Ava Betnar
Have you heard of Big Red Missed Connections?
If you are not one of the account’s current 6,000 followers, then let me introduce you to one of Cornell students’ top ways to find connection (second only to LinkedIn).
Big Red Missed Connections is an Instagram account that posts anonymous submissions of, well, Cornell students’ missed romantic connections. In the account’s bio, there is a Google Form that allows students to submit a message that will be posted to their audience. The subjects of these submissions range from hallway crushes, acquaintances, classmates, close friends, roommates and cafe baristas. People share their yearnings or sentiments that they were too afraid (or not bold enough) to relay in person. For those who choose to observe, the account is both a source of entertainment and adrenaline for the possibility of having a secret admirer.
In many cases, Big Red Missed Connections gives people the opportunity to rekindle past encounters. With over 16,000 undergraduate students on campus, many of the people we cross paths with are fleeting. In one post, someone regrettably remarked, “to the guy at lodge with the miles Davis playlist you are so cool I wish I asked for your number.”
If an individual thinks he or she may be the subject of one of these submissions, they are able to reach out to Big Red Missed Connections. Then, their account posts that the person was “found.” But in situations like this (and there are many), it raises the question of why people are choosing to pursue these connections online, rather than in person. And, yes, I recognize that this is just a silly Instagram account and many of these submissions are purely for fun, but I can’t help but criticize this.
Sometimes in the excitement of a moment or conversation it is easy to forget to exchange information, and it is only retrospectively that you recognize your error. But some of these submissions appear to be about people the submitters regularly see. One submission reads, “To the girl who always saves me a seat: you’re genuinely an angel and I’m in love with your personality.” Again, why share this sentiment online with thousands of people you have no relation to, and not with the actual girl?
Like this submission, many other students use Big Red Missed Connections to pay compliments. However, I feel the anonymity of the posts takes away from the sincerity of the comments. Part of what makes a compliment so special is the vulnerability shared between the two people involved: the complimenter for expressing admiration, and the complimentee for being put under a spotlight and having to accept it. The intimacy of this moment allows for genuine relationships to blossom.
These connections aren’t “missed”; rather, they are squandered. In many ways, this reflects something about Cornell’s student body. Many of us are too afraid to take risks — often for fear of rejection. In an academic sense, the threat of failure is a driving force for Cornell students. However, in a personal sense, this threat inhibits us from taking advantage of social opportunities.
Yes, Big Red Missed Connections allows people to feel free of the consequence or self-consciousness that comes with putting yourself out there. But using it (at least seriously), transforms the opportunity for a meaningful, authentic connection into a lost, superficial encounter.
Honestly, many of the points I’ve made reflect my feelings towards LinkedIn. By digitizing networking, the platform has transformed what is supposed to be a personal exchange. While people ostensibly send “invitations to connect,” they are often just trying to amass a large following. If your profile catches their eye, they invite you to be part of their ‘network,’ which is really made of hundreds of other people that neither of you know. Similarly, if you catch a submitter’s eye, they anonymously post about you on Big Red Missed Connections, which you can then choose to reach out about. Nothing substantial comes from any of this — it's a mere transaction of flatteries.
Instead of submitting to Big Red Missed Connections, or waiting for a post to be about you, I encourage you to put yourself out there. Defy the restraints of what may seem socially acceptable, and tell that person you enjoy their company or ask for their number. Don’t wait for an anonymous message in white font against a black backdrop to be your opportunity for connection — forge it for yourself.
Ava Betnar is a first-year in the College of Human Ecology. She can be reached at aab323@cornell.edu.
