Following the famous “Is Pegging Gay?” debate on Feb. 10, many were left wondering how Cornell’s Big Red Moon Club could possibly outdo themselves. After all, they’d already achieved perfection — a packed auditorium, passionate deliberations and a powerful sense of community uniting students across campus. Other organizations would have stumbled in the afterglow — flopped, one could say — but not Moon Club. The question of what comes next was answered the very week after the pegging debate in the form of “Bisexual Pop the Balloon: A Live Queer Dating Show.”
I put it in my Google Calendar. I left my meeting early. I got a front row seat.
Moon Club upgraded the venue, opting for Goldwin Smith Hall’s G76 instead of the smaller G64, but the 200-seat auditorium wasn’t big enough to hold the massive crowd that gathered, lining the walls, bumping against the light switch repeatedly and blocking the projector with their heads. Surya Nawiana ’26 was hosting again, alongside Astrid “AJ” James ’27, a charismatic and unfiltered duo I think would thrive in an interrogation room. The premise was simple: A group of competitors lined up with balloons, all vying for the affection of the same contestant. The contestant asked and was asked a series of increasingly scandalous questions, and had the option of popping the competitors’ balloons if they didn’t like the answer. Competitors could also pop their own balloons to take themselves out of the running. Given that the event was a collaboration with Perfect Match, everyone was in the mood for love.
The first round started off strong, with 11 Cornellians in the 18–19 age bracket competing for the hand of Abhishek Gurubaskaran ’27. The questions posed to Gurubaskaran started off tame, things like: Gay son or thot daughter? (“Gay son,” he answered.) Have you ever been with anyone in the audience? (“No,” but slightly unsure-sounding.) The first popped balloon actually came from one of the competitors taking themself out of the competition. When Gurubaskaran revealed that he was “looking to lock [himself] down,” the sound of snapping latex resounded above the cacophony of laughter and apprehensive noises. The reason? “I’m not at bisexual pop the balloon for locking down.” Facing such bitter rejection, Gurubaskaran took the next pop into his own hands, crushing the dreams of a student majoring in economics because, he said, “I don’t want a consultant.” The audience applauded that one, and I can’t fault them for it. Gurubaskaran then popped the balloon of a competitor who proposed a bookstore as a first date spot. Ostensibly, he does not read.
The next round, there were seven competitors clamoring for a date with the illustrious Linda Fu ’27, of pegging debate fame. She fielded Nawiana’s questions with the practiced ease of a true public speaker. In fact, everyone in Fu’s pool was wary of picking an actual answer, instead responding with “both,” “I’m not sure” or “I’m indecisive.” Nawiana, exasperated, lamented to the crowd, “That was the most bisexual selection of answers I’ve ever heard in my 21 bisexual years of life.”
In the end, Fu’s choice was unfortunately overshadowed by the rejects. Nawiana collected those whose balloons had been popped for a round of “Tinder in Real Life,” in which competitor Ethan Luu ’27 quizzed the other losers on their best pick-up lines and swiped right or left on them in real time. Kieri Keys ’28 won both Luu and the audience’s approval with, “I think Spotify is broken because you weren’t listed as one of today’s top hottest singles.” Keys and Luu celebrated their pairing by kissing in front of the audience — so hey, maybe Moon Club really is starting relationships here.
Nawiana ushered in the third round by gesturing to the door, yelling, “Bisexuals come out! Not out of the closet, out of there!” The bisexuals did, in fact, emerge, and they came out ready to fight for Jaimie Chen ’26. The standout moment of Chen’s round was a rather unfortunate misstep by Emilee Vincent ’28. When asked where she’d take Chen on a first date, Vincent replied, “Ice skating and to ice cream. I love ice.” Amidst deafening booing, Chen popped Vincent’s balloon before giving her the chance to clear up that she did not mean Immigrations and Customs Enforcement. Contestant Elena Caplinger ’27, in response to the same question, threatened to take Chen to ultimate frisbee date night. It didn’t seem to perturb Chen the way it perturbed me, and Caplinger’s balloon remained intact. Having whittled the pool down to three options, Chen faced a dilemma: Each of the remaining competitors gave the same responses. “Guys, they all have the same answers,” Chen complained to the audience. Then, her eyes lit up as she came to a realization. “Ooh! Polycule?!”
They joyfully accepted Chen’s proposition and departed the stage in polyamorous bliss.
Mary Caitlin “MC” Cronin ’28 was the fourth and final prize of the evening. By this point, the audience was itching to get involved in the selection process, and they honestly seemed more interested in competitor Kingsley Aaron-Onuigbo ’27 than Cronin. “I am looking for marriage,” he said, then when Cronin went to pop his balloon, backtracked, “But obviously it is negotiable!” He then compared her to the sunlight you see after emerging from a dark tunnel, despite the fact that neither he nor Cronin can drive. After being rejected, Aaron-Onuigbo took center stage during “Tinder in Real Life,” and he had audience members scrambling down from the rows to compete for his hand. Aaron-Onuigbo ended up in a throuple of his own, upping the polycule count to two, to which Nawiana yelled, “Average bisexuals, they can’t decide on anything!” to raucous applause.
While, yes, these events that Moon Club hosts are satirical and unserious, they’re having an undeniable impact on campus. “I was really impressed by how the Big Red Moon Club, time and time again, can not just bring people out but bring people together,” Max Troiano ’28, pegging debate champion, commented. And truly, Moon Club is carving out queer spaces on campus and bringing people together, one bisexual at a time.
Melissa Moon is a member of the Class of 2028 in the College of Arts and Sciences. She is an Assistant Arts & Culture Editor on the 143rd Editorial Board. She can be reached at mmoon@cornellsun.com.
