You think your kink is weird? No, seriously. It’s not.
In fact, after maybe two weeks of spending time with you, I can probably guess what it is. I have an almost 100% batting average. This isn’t due to any magical powers I might hold as a sex columnist, but rather three clear and simple categories into which, in my opinion, practically every kink or fetish falls; wielding power, manufactured security, or feet. Yes, feet. Stay with me.
Kinks are taboo, despite some of them being rather normal acts. Very few people would bat an eye if you, for example, praised someone else in public. The praise, however, becomes a kink when it is relegated as a need that can only be expressed in the bedroom. It is awkward to need something. It can even be frowned upon. Best to just keep it to one hyper-private section of your life. But, I’m sure you have heard of kinks that would make you do a double or triple take if you saw it in public. For those kinks that lay outside polite societal norms, I use a different scale to shape them back into something I can understand.
The first are the “wielding power” kinks. These are the ones that you’ll see in mainstream movie series or hear briefly mentioned in a sitcom. The classics, the things that come to mind when you read the acronym BDSM. Chaining someone up and hitting them with a whip is very clearly an exertion of power of that person. It doesn’t make you evil or even too abnormal, it's the first kink many people think of when they start thinking outside of the vanilla box. Interestingly enough, relinquishing power is another way to wield it. Handing someone the key to your chastity cage gives you the agency to let something not be in your control. This is another form of power. Power does not have to be exerted physically — one exact look can express enough for some. I once knew a girl who liked to feel absolutely terrified during sex, like a prey animal awaiting her predator. That’s power too.
I believe most people fall in the center of the Venn diagram between “wielding power” and “manufactured security.” These are the two most human desires of all, to hold power and to be secure and safe. But kink deals with the taboo, so these desires must be warped into acts banished to the bedroom. Security in kink is often manifested as being useful in a way that is irreplaceable. Pets, pillow princesses and human stools are all things that have inherent value through their use. Security can also manifest as simple possession. It feels nice to be wanted, and to be claimed is just that taken to the extreme. These dynamics are defined by how they make you feel protected from whatever insecurity plagues you the most. Kinks are not inherently placed in one category or the other, but are rather categorized by how someone experiences the action. While being turned into an inflatable sex doll can be “manufactured security” to someone who is doing it to feel useful, it can be wielding power to someone who is doing it to feel used.
And then there’s “feet.” Feet, to explain simply, is any aspect of the human experience that you have, for whatever reason, fixated on in a sexual way. Though the line between fetishes and kinks is shaky, you can tell them apart by the near-obsession that fetishists have for their subjects. Some common ones are feet, armpits, used underwear and suits. They can be as ubiquitous as glasses or as hyper-specific as images of rich white blonde women buying white bread in supermarkets. The feet category can get pretty weird, but is still understood by knowing that sometimes people just like weird shit. So in an inverse way, liking weird shit is normal.
So ask yourself, that weird thing that you like in bed, why do you like it? If you can slot it into one of the three above, congratulations, you are honestly pretty normal. I mean, I can refer you to a therapist if you feel like you really need one, but I don’t think there’s much to be found there.
And hey, look, even if your kink is that weird, that’s alright. Don’t freak out. It’s just sex. These things are fun because we get to play with ideas and themes we wouldn’t get to in real life; it’s not a reflection of bad character or immoral behavior if you enjoy it. Sex is defined by consent, and no one can read your mind. You’re fine.
Cherry Poppins is a virgin who wouldn’t mind being proven wrong about this article. Think you’re into something weird enough to surprise her? Contact her at cpoppins@cornellsun.com. Discretion guaranteed!
