Hey freaks! What up, what up. Me again.
The first time I ever told someone that I was gay, I almost threw up. Right after the words left my mouth I nearly passed out.
Just two and a half years ago, I came out as gay for the first time to one of my good friends. This was on my birthday, freshman year of college. I told my good friend about how my chemistry lab partner remembered it was my birthday and how in love with me he was (he is a very straight man). After telling her that my crush was, in fact, a man, I almost threw up and passed out. It was incredibly difficult.
I grew up in the same small, country-esque, upstate New York town my whole life. According to recent census data, 91% of my hometown is white. Believe it or not, we’re becoming MORE diverse! In 2000, we were 98% white. So, as you can tell, not a lot of racial diversity and definitely not much more sexual orientation diversity either.
Growing up, everyone would call each other the f-slur and say how much they “hated gay people.” So, after hearing that all the time for my whole life, of course, I just assumed everyone hated gay people! Even my best friends would say this.
As I was in college longer, I realized being gay was a lot more important to my identity than I had thought earlier in my life. I figured I would have to tell my friends soon, and there was a good chance that they might unfriend me because of it.
For my friend's birthday, I left college to go out with all of our friends. I was drunk, and feeling chatty. I told my friend that I had kissed a man a week prior. One of my other friends, overhearing this, started screaming about how I was gay. The blood drained from my face, and I was terrified of the aftermath. To my surprise, everyone was extremely welcoming and glad to hear that. They said it “made a lot of sense” that I was gay. My friend also said it was “the best birthday present I could have received.”
I didn’t tell my parents for another year. I just didn’t want to go through the effort with them. I knew they already knew. It was unspoken. And I didn’t even tell them, I just sent my mom my debut article “Love Letters and Poems Are So In.” Here is the exact text she sent me after reading the article: “So, your writing is really, really good. Very impressed. My question is, is this your way of coming out to us? Because we have figured that for a while now. You could have just told us. You are free to love whoever you want.”
Yeah, so clearly they knew. No shock there. I genuinely don’t think a single person I told was surprised. Like, I wasn't as twinky as I am now, but still definitely seemed pretty gay. But after telling every single person in my life, I’ve noticed that people don’t give a shit these days. It's pretty nice to hear that our society has progressed a lot! The most pushback I received was from my grandparents. My grandma said she was “not happy” and my grandpa “refuses to talk about it,” but they still love me! I'll take what I can get.
If you’re reading this and struggling to come out, I say just do it. You don’t want to associate with people who would care about something so unimportant. Really, it is ridiculous to dislike someone just because they are a part of a group of people, and not by choice. It is so stupid to dislike whole groups of people.
Coming out is hard at first, but it has been the best thing ever to not hide a part of myself from the people I love the most. Also, not to scare you, but if you’re gay and in the closet, everyone probably already knows. Somehow, the general public’s gaydar is always pretty accurate. Save yourself some time and regret.
I would like to thank my parents, along with all my wonderful friends, for being such accepting and genuine people. The areas we were raised in weren’t the most accepting, so I’m glad to have been surrounded by the best of the best.
This article goes out to my mom, who really enjoys reading my articles (only when they don’t talk about actual sex, which I have not done since last spring). Hope you enjoyed!
Keeping it real,
Stevie Dicks
The Cornell Daily Sun is interested in publishing a broad and diverse set of content from the Cornell and greater Ithaca community. We want to hear what you have to say about this topic or any of our pieces. Here are some guidelines on how to submit. And here’s our email: style@cornellsun.com.
