Have you missed me? I missed you! What I missed the most — because I’m always going to be honest in this column — was telling you all how to not be super freaks, and attempting to, (desperately) single handedly, fix the dating scene on this campus.
On the topic of super freaks, some of you need to get a grip, and not on each other. This is my plea and my threat: stop publicly displaying your affection. What I mean by this is that your PDA is too much, and if you don’t think it is, you should reassess.
Don’t get me wrong, there are certainly places, times and moments where PDA is okay, but there are some that are atrociously horrible. To be blunt, for a school with such smart individuals, you would think you’d know how to act a little normal in public… but apparently not. Let’s discuss!
While I’m not a psychologist I can confidently deduce that some of you have attachment issues. My guess is that for some, this was your first ever relationship, and even if it wasn’t, you might be socially awkward or unaware. You probably feel really lovey-dovey or really horny, and neither is an excuse for your behaviors. No matter how in love you are, no matter if you think no one is watching: you are a public nuisance. Take your love elsewhere. Now, I won’t discredit your feelings toward your significant other, but what I will say is that there is always a way to not be in everyone’s face. I sympathize with some hand-holding (which I am generally anti), but I do not understand what goes through people’s heads when they cuddle, makeout or whatever else in public spaces.
This phenomenon ties directly into anxious attachment styles. People with this style tend to be excessively preoccupied with their relationships and fear abandonment. Public displays of affection can sometimes serve as a way to reassure themselves, constantly seeking validation from others or proving their bond to the world. When couples are glued together in public, it’s not just a sign of love, it’s a sign of insecurity. These individuals often feel the need to demonstrate their connection to counteract internal fears. However, that kind of dependence on constant public reassurance can be psychologically unhealthy, as it undermines the ability to feel secure without external validation. And let’s face it, you go to Cornell, of course you need validation. Poor baby…
I can already hear some of you thinking, “It’s not that serious, we are just happy and expressing our love.” Okay, Shakespeare. Then express it somewhere else. Literally anywhere else. Do it behind a bush, in your dorm or — dare I say it — just wait until you’re alone like a normal person. I promise you, your relationship will not spontaneously combust if you stop cuddling and sitting on top of each other in the library. Learn to act right.
A little about me: I don’t do PDA. Obviously, if you didn’t get that. I think it’s uncivilized. You might call me cold or anti-romance, and maybe that’s true. But, there are times where it is okay, and dare I say: it doesn’t count. Unless you abuse it, then it counts. These places include frat basements, a movie theater (these two cannot be every single time you attend one) and your wedding. That’s it.
So here’s my advice — and honestly, it’s a public service: Detach. Practice sitting in separate chairs. Try saying goodbye without licking each other’s faces. Remember what it felt like to exist as your own person before you got into this mess: a relationship, or situationship or whatever you are. And if you physically cannot resist holding hands on the way to class, fine. But if I see a hand around the waist, I’m calling the authorities. Look, I’m not saying don’t love each other. I’m saying we can learn to love each other quietly when in public. Like, “we share Spotify playlists and like to study together” quietly. Not “we're giving a free demonstration of how to be weird.” Because when you are publicly displaying your affection — unless you are the hottest person ever, or it's an engagement — you are not cute, you are not hot and you are not normal.
Generally we are entering an era where people can do whatever crazy shit they want in public, and that, I don’t support. But when you throw in couples, the situation is so much worse. Restaurants, amusement parks, elevators, parks: the list never ends. You might think you look like a happy couple, but studies do show that ultimately, the public views PDA couples as “unlikable and psychologically unhealthy.”
Here’s what research on public displays of affection tells us: people often feel uncomfortable or irritated when they witness PDA. It’s not because they are jealous or unsympathetic to love, but because it disrupts social norms and personal boundaries. Studies show that excessive PDA can lead to a negative view of the couple, seeing them as attention-seeking or even emotionally immature. The most extreme reactions involve discomfort or irritation. This could explain why so many people cringe when a couple won’t stop kissing or being physically intimate in public. So when you’re engaging in PDA, remember, the world is watching — and not in the way you think.
Here is the most important point for you all to know: nobody wants to see it. Stop, you are not the only people in a space, and we are not a part of your relationship. You think no one is paying attention to you, but they are, because you look like a freak.
But hey, don’t get me wrong. We’ll all watch a hot celebrity make out or some movie stars go at it on screen, but that’s because they’re paid to do it, and we don’t have to actually interact with them in real life (plus, they’re hot, and you’re probably not as hot as them… at all… sorry). It’s a spectacle, not a behavior that needs to be normalized in a library or on the bus… or in other public spaces for that matter. So yeah, go ahead, keep your love life private and leave the displays of affection to the movies. Detach and learn to live without your partner, you’ll be okay… and we’ll all thank you for it.
Doctor Love can be reached at love@cornellsun.com.
