By Martha Dolan
As someone who grew up in the same small town in Upstate New York my entire life, coming to Cornell was a huge culture shock. I went from the population of my town being around the same size as my residency hall. Growing up and knowing the same group of people from kindergarten onward shaped my life in a way that I cannot begin to describe. I felt as if my identity was primarily sculpted when I was very young, and everyone had me pretty much figured out.
When I graduated high school and prepared to come to college, a whirlwind of emotions and possibilities occupied my mind. I came to the realization that — for the first time in my life — I would be going to a new place, where nobody would know me. I had never had to adjust to a new lifestyle outside of my hometown before, and the thought simultaneously excited me and terrified me.
In high school, I felt as if I had my entire life figured out. I knew what I wanted to do for a career and I had an established friend group. I had fallen into a comfortable routine and rhythm, because I never knew anything else. However, the idea that I could completely reinvent myself when coming to college greatly intrigued me. I had the potential to change my style, personality and hobbies. I spent the summer planning who I wanted to be. I bought new clothes, perfected my Instagram account and made Pinterest boards to plan out my “college aesthetic.”
Leaving my hometown for the first time was uncomfortable, and it forced me out of the shell that I had felt so secure in while growing up. When I first arrived at college, I had the opportunity to evaluate who I truly was and diverge from the traits that seemed so obvious to me in high school. I remember sitting in my dorm room during the first week of college and feeling lost. I sent a video to my best friend from home explaining that nobody here knows me. No one knew my name, my history, my character. It was a daunting feeling at first — I had to start from scratch.
There was a constant feeling of pressure to meet new people, join as many clubs as I could and excel in my classes. In a way, I felt the need to constantly prove myself. College was supposed to be the place where I made lifelong friends, explored my passions and became the version of myself that I always wanted to be. Regardless of how determined I was to achieve these quintessential college goals, the pressure proved to be unnecessary and stressful. I recognized that all of these ambitions that I had placed at such a high importance in my mind would come in their own time. I had to take a step back and let go of these expectations. Only when I did that did I start to fully enjoy college.
While I wasn’t sure what to expect when coming to a place where I essentially had to start over, I learned more about myself than I initially anticipated. I found friends that truly understood me — not the version of me that I thought I wanted to reinvent. I became more independent and learned to make decisions without second guessing myself or seeking approval from others. I started listening to music and bands I had never heard of just because the people who live across the hall from me listen to them. I’ve even started to make my bed every morning — something that I never did in high school. These subtle shifts in my life have been transformative in my college experience so far, as they continue to shape my identity.
Of course, some key elements of my life have remained the same. I still take my coffee without sugar, still sleep with the same stuffed animal and still wear the same perfume every day because it reminds me of home. These small details that have remained constant remind me that life is always changing, whether that be my environment or the people I surround myself with. I’ve learned that even when life is in a state of limbo around me, that doesn’t necessarily mean that I have to change with it. Sure, I’ll evolve and the changes will come naturally, but who I am at my core will stay the same.
To the incoming Class of 2029: Don’t put so much pressure on yourself to revamp your entire life or personality before arriving at college. It’s okay to not know your major or who your best friends are immediately. However, you should be open to stripping away the layers of your life that you’ve outgrown, and adding aspects that make you feel more genuine to yourself. While I certainly did not reinvent myself in the way I thought I would, I’ve changed in ways that make me feel like a more authentic version of myself, which seems like an accomplishment in itself.
Martha Dolan is a first-year in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences. She can be reached at mmd289@cornell.edu.
