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Adiós, Amigos
May 2, 2008 - 12:00amI owe a lot to Dr. James McHenry.
No, he’s not my doctor. He’s not my professor, either. He’s not even my preacher.
He’s, well, a Marylander.
And he’s cool enough to have gotten an invite to the coolest party in town.
He even took notes — I know, because I’ve read them.
(Parts, anyway.)
You see, Dear Reader, Dr. James McHenry wasn’t just any Marylander; he was one of five to have represented the Old Line State at the Constitutional Convention in 1787.
This, obviously, was an experience that the good doctor knew he would never forget — but one, too, that he wanted the whole world to remember.
In Which the Term “Scramble” Receives More Liberal Definition than the AEM Department
May 1, 2008 - 12:00amI’ll admit that I didn’t really start reading the Sun until the end of last year, after I knew I’d be writing for it in a few months. I’ve since determined that there’s no model for a good column; if anyone came close this year, it was Shannon with her flow chart. The only consistency I can see is that the ones I’ve written in Libe Café are better than the ones I’ve written on my back porch. Since it’s nice out, I’m obviously writing on my back porch instead of in Libe. The point is I’m not promising anything here. In lieu of any insightful commentary on Cornell and undergraduate life then, let me conclude the column with some obvious remarks on the twin pillars of the American collegiate tradition: the liberal arts education and the senior scramble.
False Bravado
May 1, 2008 - 12:00amFor three years I had weekly sessions with Dr. Joseph Nicolosi, president of the National Association for the Research and Therapy of Homosexuality (NARTH). Dr. Nicolosi thought that homosexuality was a pathology, a sublimated desire to reconnect with one’s lost masculinity. The theory: under-attentive fathers and over-attentive mothers create gay children. The purpose of therapy was to put me in touch with my masculine identity and thereby change my sexual orientation.
The Last Kiss Goodbye (With Tongue)
May 1, 2008 - 12:00amYou’re all getting Nexted. I’m leaving you and running away with the Cunnilingus Cowboy, the fine feminist gentleman who penned the illuminating “My Night with Jenna B.” on Friday. Everyone knows a girl simply cannot resist a man who rates her fellatio skills on a 10-point scale. I’d make an educated guess he’s been haunted by that particular number (5.75) quite a bit lately, as it is precisely the length of time, in seconds, it took him to — oh, easy digs on helpless, faceless dudes: how I’ll miss you.
Sucking the Teat Of High Society
May 1, 2008 - 12:00amThis semester I’ve written a lot about my desire to find a hunky wealthy husband who can jumpstart my path to fame and power. So for my last column, I want to give everyone a little advice about some of the things I think we should all try to accomplish this summer to achieve these goals. For those who are graduating, you basically missed your chance — good riddance. But for those who still have a chance to make something of themselves before returning to campus, take good notes.
The Campus Code and Shared Governance
April 30, 2008 - 12:00amThe University Assembly has approved a revised Code of Judicial Conduct (the “Campus Code”) as prepared by the Codes and Judicial Committee, and I wholeheartedly congratulate both of these bodies and concur with the proposed revision. This day marks the end of a long and sometimes difficult process. It is a good day for shared governance on our campus.
The revised code accommodates in a balanced way the rights of the accused, the needs of victims, and the interests of the university community. The new code upholds important principles of individual and institutional fairness and accountability. And it does so in a way that renders the code more balanced and comprehensible, and makes it more of a “Cornell Code” and less like a criminal code.
On the Horizon
April 30, 2008 - 12:00am“I would found an institution where any person can find instruction in any study.”
Taken quite literally, the Cornell motto envisions a perfect synthesis between access and higher education: a university where students of any stripe, station or color might encounter a limitless field of knowledge.
Yet in its recent bastardization of the slogan, to the simple, “any person … any study,” the University has compromised the implicit, and far more profound, message of Cornell’s mission statement. As was the case in 1865, and as remains the situation today, such an educational utopia is all but impossible; the truest ambition of Ezra Cornell was not to achieve the unachievable, but to challenge Cornellians to continuously reinvent our soon-to-be alma mater.
Good Night and Good Luck, Without the Pretension
April 30, 2008 - 12:00am(Well maybe a little bit of pretension).
My Moniker:
I have been called many things at Cornell — including slick Willy and karate chop awesome to name a few — but the alias most often used to categorize me since joining the Cornell American in 2004 and the Daily Sun in 2006 has been “right wing nut job.” I just wanted to let the Daily Sun readers know, all 8 of you, that, to quote Ann Coulter ’84, I am perfectly sane … the rest of you are crazy.
Something Lewd [wink-wink] ;-)
April 29, 2008 - 12:00amIt’s a slap-dash bit of work you’re about to read. I tried to weasel my way out of writing it and got a euphemized “hell no” from my editor, so I put it off and put it off, and now it’s a half hour until deadline and I’ve got the mental acuity of a fish stick on Quaaludes.
Topic trouble is a miserable thing. I had big plans earlier in the week after reading an online poster’s response to an earlier column, enjoining me to “write something lewd.” Lacking a better idea and tired of writing in the shadow of Jenna B., I penciled “lewdness” into my academic planner and set aside a two-hour block on Saturday for just such a purpose.
Party Poopers
April 29, 2008 - 12:00amFrom time to time, I visit Amazon.com and peruse the top 100 bestselling books on politics and current events — just to take an intellectual pulse of the American electorate.
So what are politically inclined Americans reading these days? Let’s take a look, shall we?