In response to a predicted decline in hiring for tenure-track positions in humanities, the Graduate School is preparing a new set of initiatives to better equip its humanities students for professional success outside of academia.

Since the economy has gone down faster than Jenna Jameson at “Action!,” for many students, the meaning of “The Gap Year” has changed from the title of a potential khaki-zombie film about the year-long attempt of a few brave leather-clad heroes to stave off an epidemic of cable knit sweaters of various, yet still somehow generic muted hues — to the potential horrifying reality of 365 days spent finding a passion, a job, an income, and — dear God, no, anything but that — an understanding of “yourself.”

Nothing makes me feel more like a failed sexual predator than the interview process. I first discover this cute little business on Careernet, the Match.com of the desperate and jobless. Her description catches my eye with words like, “exciting,” “experienced,” and “willing to take any major” (you saucy minx, I know what that means). After exchanging a couple emails explicitly describing how my past experience has prepared me to fulfill her every need and each secret desire, she coyly holds off for a few days.

Do I call her? Did she forget about me? Am I not good enough? Once I begin to convince myself I never needed her in the first place, the cheeky dame offers to meet me somewhere — somewhere private.

Just a week before the Presidential election, with unsettling economic news continuing to dominate the headlines, Cornell students have been asking me what they should do in order to succeed professionally in turbulent times. In September, the U.S. economy lost some 159,000 jobs, representing the ninth straight month of job decline, and that seems to have gotten the attention of many people, especially students who will be completing their degrees this year.

Ever since the first I.Q. test was administered in 1914, standardized testing has developed rapidly in the U.S. In true capitalist fashion, “prep” or “crash” courses have developed even more rapidly, and at the present time they are in full bloom of speculation and swindling.

If you are considering becoming an Atticus Finch Esq., Dr. House, Warren Buffett, or just want to be a professional student, you know you need to take the LSAT, MCAT, GMAT, or GRE respectively. Although many may coddle you — saying your score doesn’t matter — you know that the closer you get to 180/ 45T/ 800/1600, the closer you get to moving out of your parents’ basement. If that’s not enough pressure, your score often dictates the amount of scholarship funding available to you.