column

Buy Me a Drank: The Sports Editors’ Last Night on the Job

Sun Staff — Fri, 05 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Meredith just spilled for the first time. It’s 9:15 p.m.

Black Friday Shopping: Contact Sport Gone Wrong

Danielle Schaub — Thu, 04 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

In the wee hours of the morning, while the sun shone brightly on the other half of the world, a couple thousand Long Islanders sat in their cars in silent anticipation. The cars were neatly packed into a dark parking lot, every here and there one illuminated by the eerie glow of a lamppost. The fenders sat a little lower than usual in these first moments of the day after Thanksgiving, as most bellies were still stuffed to unusual dimensions with turkey and pumpkin pie. Floor mats were littered with the pages of a Wal-Mart flyer that had long been committed to the memory of every shopper. Visions of $69 digital cameras and $28 vacuums danced in their heads.

10 Things I Love About Music

Julia Woodward — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

In the interest of summing up the semester — this being my final column of 2008 — and because I’m at a loss for things to write about, I’m going to supply loyal readers (that means you, Dad) with a Weiss-a-roni-style list of my favorite musical things. The underlying message here being that because I love these things, you should love them too.

Number One. Les Choristes. Les Choristes is a French film, directed by Christophe Barratier, about a failed composer who goes to teach music at a dreary boarding school for “troublesome” boys. Rebellion and learning ensue, and the movie ends up making me so happy every time I watch it. If you are feeling sad, you must watch this movie. You will grin by the end.

French Finger Tips, Red Lips ... Bitch Is Dangerous

Nathan James — Wed, 03 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Yesterday — whether or not the majority of you readers know — was an epic day of importance in the lives of millions of gay men across the United States. No, Proposition 8 was not overturned, nor were laws preventing homosexuals from adopting. Something more directly correlated to these individuals’ happiness occurred: Britney Spears’ latest album, Circus, was released. This happening coincided with the international star’s 27th birthday, and it signifies the beginning of the entertainer’s latest (and most promising) attempt at a comeback.

Whiteney Houston

Rebecca Weiss — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Most people’s parents don’t allow their grade school kids to choose a path of habitual insomnia via excess consumption of Nick at Nite. But mine did, and thank God, because I found my soul mate in the fogotton Brady Bunch middle child, Bobby. He and I are kindred spirits. His voice begins to crack just as he and his siblings get a recording contract, just like my siblings and I, whose single “Yeeeeee” — where we do three-part harmonies of the word “Yeeeeee” — never got released.

From Ivory Tower to Bullet-Proofed Mansion

Meredith Bennett-Smith — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I woke up yesterday morning and sat bolt upright from the cushy, puke-green sofa in my living room I had fallen asleep on earlier that night (morning?). Something was definitely not right. I pulled the notes I was using to write a rather fabulous English essay (due in approximately three hours) from my face and took stock of my emotions.

What was this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach? Could it be that third helping of my Jersey cousins’ stuffing from Saturday afternoon, rising ominously up from the depths? Perhaps it was the caffeine pills — I mean tic-tacs — I’d been popping like an addict for the past nine hours?

A (Semi)-Official Guide to Winter Boots

Alex Harlig — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

As I am writing this in Libe café — shoutout to all my fellow Libe-addicts — it is becoming increasingly snowy and cold outside. I am fortunately not out there, but I will be soon. And, because I was silly enough to believe the weather report, I am not wearing those singularly excellent and necessary winter items this column is about: boots. I have boots, and boots that I like, but I was trying to get an extra day of not-boots in before winter set in completely. My goal in this column is to help you find one (or more!) pair of boots that can bring you through the winter without feeling bored or uncomfortable.

The first thing we need to examine, as always, is utility. Why do we wear boots?

(1) They keep you warm.

(2) They keep you dry.

(3)They keep pants dry/clean.

Recipe For Disaster

Rebecca Weiss — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

I consider the recent yet already beloved Disney Pixar film Ratatouille both a lie and an insult. The values it espouses are contrary to everything that my life’s experience has taught me, and what’s more, I find its title very hard to pronounce. My friend Sarah refers to it as “ruh-tah-tuh-ville.” I should think her way is better.

To say “anyone can cook” and to show an anthropomorphic cooking rat flies in the face of all that I learned growing up, which is “no one can cook.”

Bringing Lynah Back

Mitchell Alva — Mon, 24 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Standing in the middle of Section B as the final minutes ticked off Lynah’s scoreboard on both Friday and Saturday night, I felt a nostalgic electricity reverberating through the student sections that seeped its way around the rink. I imagined that Lynah Rink once bore witness to this contemporary anomaly every evening its famed and feared ice hockey team laced up their skates. Scenes of students shuffling on the wooden bleachers before 7 p.m., of chest painted diehards who brave the tundra-like conditions, of 60 minutes of nonstop enthusiasm from the Faithful and townies alike, and of a domination of our Hahvahd and Dartmouth rivals flooded my mind amid visions of seasons past.

Sanford Says: ‘NASCAR Is Not A Sport’

Harrison D. Sanford — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Let me ask you a question. If I was to, say, go out with one of my friends, race two cars around the neighborhood for 50 or 60 laps, would you call that a sport? How about if I did 200 laps? Or what if I got a small group of people to watch? And I promised to do a back flip after I win? Would you call that a sport? I thought you wouldn’t.

But for some reason, I am still trying to understand why people consider NASCAR an actual sport. For some reason, driving around for 500 laps or so earns some coverage in sports shows. Really? How about me? Can I get some coverage? Give me a nice ride with some horsepower and I can busy too.

25 Fashion Tips

Rebecca Weiss — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

1. Wear sweatpants for an entire calendar year.

2. Embrace tie dye, and people who wear tie dye, unless they have unruly facial hair, are wearing bells, speak in rhyme or a fake british accent, or blow bubbles. That’s how you distinguish the benevolent hippies from the ones who will cause you corporal harm.

3. Banana Republic is a good place to go to find really boring but business-like clothing and a lot of asian people.

4. If you buy things abroad, no matter how cheap they are, their stock goes up when you can say “Oh yeah, I bought that in Uruguay.” Or “This jacket is from the colonial British Congo.”

Wisdom From the Future

Nathan James — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Like the majority of Cornell seniors, I have begun developing ulcers from anguishing over our uncertain futures. Yes, I am deeply concerned about the present job market, but that is not all.

College is almost over. Living off our parents’ money will be a thing of the past. The puberty of our prolonged adolescence is almost complete. Regular binge drinking is soon to be considered alcoholism. Having to be somewhere before 9 a.m. will no longer be “unreasonable.” We must soon find husbands and wives and then procreate to distract ourselves from how little we actually like our spouses … it is enough to drive the most level-headed student mad.

Two-ferrific: There's Nothing Better Than Two For the Price of One

Lauren Herget — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

If there’s anything I like better than a one-fer, it’s a two-fer.

For you folks not hip to my slang (and there could be a great lot of you … I have been known to make up a word or two), a “two-fer” is a “two-for-one” deal; i.e. I pay for one awesome thing, and, due to the “magic” of Capitalism, I get two things at a roughly-equal-but-let’s-be-realistic-never-more-than-one-and-a-half-times-more-expensive-than-usual price (and let’s not think about who’s disadvantaged by this scheme for now). Well, in two-fer deals, it’s really just that I get one awesome thing and one extra, usually seriously shoddy thing.

But who cares!

Overheard: Hey, my dad should sleep with your mom, they're both loud snorers!

Jessica Stitt — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Hear anything raunchy or ridiculous? Submit your eavesdroppings to

overheard@cornellsun.com

State St. Diner Waitress: She’s about as useful as tits on a nun.

— State Diner

Flamboyant Boy on Cell: I need to black out tonight. I totally deserve it.

— Outside Olin Library

Math Lecturer: So I can do orthogonal vectors in 2-D ... I can't do it in 3-D ... Not without being obscene anyways ...

— Engineering Quad

Rebel Freshman: I slept through my first class today ... I feel like a badass ...

— Goldwin Smith

(In line for the Decemberists tickets)

Exasperated Girl: And so I was home over the weekend, and my sisters were back home as well, which I'm not used to. It was like when we were growing up, except now we're huge, and I had to sleep with my mom!

The Eternal Struggle Between Geek and Pop

Maurice Chammah — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

For several years now, the Cornell Concert Com-mission has attempt-ed to balance between a demand for two very different kinds of musical acts on campus. It would be silly of me to try to come up with names to categorize these two genres, but suffice it to say that they can be represented by the opposing cultures of the Decemberists and Yo La Tengo at one end and on the the other, T-Pain and Twista.

While certainly many people go to both kinds of concerts, we are looking for something different each time. With T-Pain, it’s obvious why people go. With bands like the Decemberists, the Walkmen, Yo La Tengo and the National, I think it is less clear. Why do people flock to the Decemberists? Do we want catchy sing-alongs? Intellectual stimulation? Something else?

Yes We Can ... Eat Fake Food

Danielle Schaub — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

“That organic eggplant hummus sandwich may be good for you, but it’s bad for our books” — warns a small sign sitting on the desk clusters in Mann library. My “ooh, yum” reaction might not be echoed by the person next to me, but neither of us find the sandwich to be anything out of the ordinary.

After all, this is a university well known for the diversity of foods available in our various dining locations. But beyond this cold and cloudy sphere we call the Cornell bubble, that sandwich order might elicit a very different response.

I used to spend my days in a different little upstate New York town, where the majority of people would read that sign and think, “a what sandwich?”

Barack the Music

Julia Woodward — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Raise your hand if you’ve seen the movie Mr. Holland’s Opus, directed by Stephen Herek. Raise your hand if you liked it, and if you thought there was a salient message about the arts embedded therein.

My hand is up. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, which — since it’s a rather dorky thing to see — I’m guessing is most of you, Mr. Holland’s Opus is about an inspiring music teacher, Glenn Holland. Although most of the movie focuses on how he manages to get through to his students, and how music helps him to connect with his deaf son, at the end he is forced into early retirement by arts-related budget cuts. Hmm.

Naughty By Nature

Rebecca Weiss — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

The many times that my family gathered on Friday nights after TGIF to watch 20/20, I often thought about the question of nature vs. nurture. Between the “Give Me a Break”-John Stossel segments and the ones where they said that children shouldn’t be allowed in pools or hot tubs because they sit on drains and their bowels get sucked out, there would be segments about long lost twins and the studies done to show that their similar behavorioral aspects are indeed from nature and not simply because they were raised together, because they weren’t.

Sports President for a Day

Harrison D. Sanford — Thu, 06 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

First and foremost, I’m feeling good right about now — presidential almost. It didn’t really set in until I talked to my mother Tuesday night. I haven’t heard my mother that joyous in a while, if ever. Even if Barack Obama doesn’t work out how everybody hopes and assumes he will, his election means so much in terms of how far we have come as African Americans and as America as a whole.

And for that alone, Tuesday was a great day in America.

But seeing as this is on the other side of the newspaper — which is the better side — I have to keep this column sports-related.

Future Plans? Beer Me a Baby

Rebecca Weiss — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 00:00:00 -0500

Things are pretty low when you begin to hear a song by John Mellencamp, poor man’s Bruce Springsteen, and say, “Gee willakers. I never thought of the human existence in that light.”

Song in question: “Jack and Diane” of course, although “Small Town” does have its own poetic nuances. Well, pathetic nuances.

Yes, I believe that what I’m going through is a life crisis of some denomination. The largest one I can think of is “quarter-life” but I don’t want to sell myself short. I intend to see my 120th birthday and my grandchildren’s grandchildren’s grandchildren (grandchildren cubed,) so let’s call it a “sexta-life crisis.”