Only if he goes out to a bar on Friday will he be hung-over on the next day. Any student who takes a test hung over will not do well. In order to get into Harvard Law you must do well on the LSAT. Chris and Mary both take the LSAT on Saturday, Oct. 9. Chris and Mary both get into Harvard Law.

If the statements above are true, which one of the following must also be true?

A) Chris and Mary went to Dino’s on Friday, Oct. 8

B) Chris and Mary studied hard for the LSAT

C) Chris and Mary did not go to the Palms on Friday, Oct. 8

D) The LSAT on Oct. 9 was an easy test

E) I could care less

If you chose answer C, congratulations, you are correct. If you chose answer E, please feel free to skip this article and head straight for the crossword puzzle. For all of those who are still reading, I assume (unwarranted?) that most of you will be joining me in taking the LSAT this Saturday. Despite what some admissions officers like to say, it is all a numbers game. Who else is excited to take this test which is worth more than our cumulative college GPA’s?

Despite the implicit sarcasm, I am actually thrilled to be taking the LSAT on Saturday and to be finally signing off on standardized tests (unless you count the Bar Exam). Although the SAT was frustrating and played a significant role in where I got into college, the upcoming LSAT will have a greater impact on my future and career than any test I’ve ever taken. Nevertheless, reflecting on what I could have done with the 200 hours spent studying and the cost of my prep course, there are times when I wonder if it has actually been worth it.

Although I plan to get a perfect score, I won’t know whether all the studying was really worth it until about four weeks after the test. Regardless, studying for the LSAT has changed my life. Here are five things that I have learned:

1) Having an attractive instructor can do more harm than good.

Last spring, I took a prep course that met Mondays and Wednesdays from 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. Studying is almost always dull, but having to read about riddled basins of attraction after attending four labor relations classes is plain torturous. On the first day of class, I was pleased to discover that my instructor was surprisingly attractive. Making the situation even more surreal, I soon after learned that she also had published multiple columns detailing past sexual escapades. While during the first few lessons I welcomed the various mental wanderings my mind went on, the situation quickly became an inescapable distraction. Apparently there’s a reason why I do well in classes with old and weird professors I can’t identify with.

2) Almost all arguments we make in everyday life are invalid.

After learning more than 20 different kinds of formal argument flaws and dissecting the premises and conclusions in every question, it is nearly impossible not to be critical of everyday conversation. As it turns out, we make incorrect reversals, incorrect negations and circular arguments all the time. While the knowledge and ability to recognize and correct these flaws has been great for the test, it has had some negative effects on my relationships. Apparently my friends and my mother aren’t too appreciative of constantly being corrected.

3) Humans are the cause of all the world’s problems.

Depletion of the ozone layer, heart disease, deforestation and the endangerment of various species are all favorite topics of the people who write LSAT problems. In order not to offend anyone and to avoid lawsuits at all costs, most topics on the LSAT are archaic, bland and inoffensive. However, when the test makers do actually criticize someone it is almost always the human race. According to the test, we have caused irreparable damage to the world and are all destined to suffer as a result.

4) Not all pencils are created equal.

Since you are not allowed to use mechanical pencils on the LSAT, I dug out my second grade yellow No. 2 pencils when I began studying. In addition to the annoying red smudge marks, tearing pages was always a concern since the LSAT is printed on recycled paper. When you throw in all the broken pencil points, I almost took the MCAT simply because it’s given on the computer. However, mythical savior Robin Singh came to my rescue. Apparently, part of the $1,500 Testmasters tuition goes into pencil research and development. Testmasters provides its students with shiny silver pencils that have smudge-free erasers, thus saving the day.

5) Once time is gone, you really don’t get it back

I can’t wait to do anything but LSAT work. I am sure you have all enjoyed studying as much as I have, and I hope you have learned near as much. Good luck on Saturday, I hope to see you at group therapy next week.

Shaun Werbelow is a senior in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. He may be contacted at swerbelow@cornellsun.com. Second Opinion appears alternate Mondays this semester.