Graduation is swiftly approaching, and some people are scrambling to complete the list of 161 things to do before you graduate. While I never sought to complete the list, in close to four years in Ithaca, it’s pretty easy to get a lot done. What’s more important, frankly, is to amass a list of things not to do during your time at Cornell. And so I’ve compiled such a list — a list of things I will absolutely not do again, and that I would recommend you avoid as well. Thus, here it is: a list of things not to do in Ithaca before you graduate, or after you graduate, or really ever at all, from an old and experienced senior.

1. I will not dress up for class. Not that I ever really did, but I used to put a bit of effort into my appearance. Not any more. Given that I face a lifetime of business formal post-graduation, I’m enjoying my sweatpant collection while I can.

2. I will not have sex in the stacks. Maybe risking getting caught with your pants down by a librarian is your idea of sexy, but it certainly isn’t mine.

3. I will not go to The Palms sober. I have made the mistake of doing this several times, and it is a great way to ruin your night. When you’re sober, you notice how sweaty everyone is, how your shoes somehow stick to the floor and the fact that no matter how many times you ask for Smirnoff, the best vodka you’re going to get is Barton’s. Best to get nice and liquored up before stepping foot in The Palms, if you even bother to go at all.

4. I will not go gorge jumping. I don’t want to break my neck (and it does happen).

5. I will not hook up with a freshman. Granted, I’m a girl, and I’m in a relationship, but plenty of senior guys like to get around the freshman dorms. This is gross, end of story.

6. I will not pull an all-nighter doing schoolwork. Not that I don’t procrastinate, but I don’t procrastinate that badly. I know pulling all-nighters is supposedly a college pastime, but are you really that busy, disorganized or crazy to want to stay up all night doing work? If you are, shame on you, you don’t deserve to sleep. I like to get my eight hours every night.

7. I will not go to a frat party without my own beer or wine. I’ve grown out of Keystone and other cheap beers that taste like carbonated pee.

8. On that note, I will not go to a frat party. Just because I’m too old. This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t go, but keep number 7 in mind.

9. I will not care about parking tickets. I used to waste lots of time and energy stressing about my meter expiring on College Ave., or getting a ticket in the .3 seconds it takes me to run into Rockefeller to drop off my Bengali homework. No more. Those little suckers always seem to find my car, and I’ve given up caring. My parents can’t stop paying my bursar bill this late in the game!

10. I will not wear topsiders in February. It took me almost four years to learn about appropriate footwear for Ithaca winters, and let me tell you, Sperry is not the best way to go.

11. I will not take a 9:05 class. Or earlier. There are just so many good classes that start at 10:10 or later. A lifetime of getting to work at 9 a.m. or earlier is painful enough, why keep the same schedule in college?

12. I will not eat at Maxie’s. Maxie’s fish has given me food poisoning twice, their servers have attempted to confiscate my real, legal, over-21 driver’s license and their manager is probably the rudest person I’ve ever dealt with at a restaurant. Oysters and corn bread always used to lure me in, but after years of regretting my meals there, I’ve completely given up even trying.

13. I will not shop at Wegmans on the weekend. It takes 20 minutes to find a parking space, which you will then have to fight tooth-and-nail to actually keep. The lines at the register are awe-strikingly long and they tend to run out of the best veggies by the afternoon. Of course, I recommend that you continue shopping on weekends — that way it will be nice and empty when I do my weekly trip on Wednesdays.

13. I will not pay rent to live on College Ave. Sure, some of the houses may be reasonable, but are the landlords on the 400 block on crack? Two grand for a one bedroom? I could live in SoHo for that price. The location may be convenient, but I’d rather live two towns over than pay that much to live in an apartment where there is garbage piled in the hallways and the sinks fall through the counter.

14. I will not take classes that aren’t interesting. If there aren’t any interesting classes in your major, you’re obviously in the wrong major. Switch while you can — I’ve done it a few times!

There are more, of course, but that’s about all I have room for today.

College is about making mistakes, and we’re all bound to make some — but hopefully you can learn from a few of mine and avoid food poisoning, frostbite and rent-gouging during your time left on East Hill.

Leigha Kemmett is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She may be reached at lkemmett@cornellsun.com. Starboard Tact appears alternate Thursdays this semester.