Lonely Nights

It’s not right how all the sorority girls are going to their beds at 9 p.m. o’clock, and I’m left to endure the cold winter nights of Ithaca alone.

— J.S.

Ants in my Pants

I don’t believe in coursenroll, so I was unpleasantly surprised after adding classes this week to find that I was a credit short of the 100 needed to graduate from Arts and Sciences. There was no way I was about to take on a fifth class as senior, so I set upon a search for a 1-credit class. Turns out that besides for research/thesis/help-with-hard-sciences courses, there is no such thing. Except in the dance department. So now I’m signed up to take dance, a full three years after I’ve finished both gym requirements. Can someone please explain to me how improvisational dance completes my liberal arts education!?

— J.M.

Fem. Fad

Message to Cornell Greek women: You are destroying decades of hard work and image building brought about by your predecessors. Donning stilettos and overpriced disposable dresses is not some trendy new wave of feminism. It’s degrading to yourself and others who call themselves female.

– M.S.

More Like Animals

These packs of sorority pledgers need to be put down. Honestly, It’s for their own good. Running rabid from house to house in their high heels and foam dripping off their mouths — You don't know how silly you look.

— A.M.

Fratastic

I hate it when you and your bros are just tryna bro out with some brews and some G.D.I. comes in to your frat/castle and you’re just like, “Brah, you’re killing my buzz.” WHAT’S UP WITH DAT?!

— B.D.

Move

Damn children helplessly wandering around on North Campus all week trying really, really hard to make new friends. And the poor locals who get stopped in bumper-to-bumper traffic, yielding only to cold girls in Uggs and Northfaces! Please, freshmen. Stop standing in the middle of the street staring at cars trying to pass as if they were camels walking in the desert.

— E.C.

Go Get Fratty

All of us at The Sun right now are scratching our heads wondering, why are we here? School hasn’t started yet and all of our peers are still embracing Winter Break, yet us editors are back to the daily grind, putting out newspapers that god knows no one will read. Saying goes that it’s tradition we resume publication before classes are in session, but really, what’s the point? We know that the only reason why people pick up this daily rag is to do the sudoku during class. So please, if you’re reading, put down this newspaper and go get fratty on our behalf.

— E.I.C.

Rushed Out

The worst part about rush week isn’t the constant cleaning, fake getting-to-know-yous or even the dress code — it’s the fact that no one can stop talking about rush week. From when the first fresh faces stroll through the doors until all bids are signed, gossip about who’s going where dominates talk of all other topics. I bet three-quarters of the complaints in this column will be about rush, including this one.

— K.W.