We’ve been waiting and waiting and waiting for the VILLAINOUS cold to take hold of our fair hippie college town, but it’s been so mild this week we’ve been in VILLAINOUS weather purgatory. We’d like it to stay warm, but we know that there’s no way that will happen, so all we’re asking is that the weather gods (meteorologists?) stop taunting us and bring in the cold with one clean sweep — like ripping off a bandaid. We’ve put away our level one fall jacket, and have yet to take out our level three arctic tundra layered sleeping bag-like jacket, so for now all we’ve got is jacket number two.

Speaking of the number two, that’s how many wins the HEROIC hockey team has stacked up after their HEROIC win against Dartmouth, and their SUPER-HEROIC win against SUPER-VILLAINOUS Harvard. It was an epic weekend in Lynah, with Zamboni Dave HEROICALLY back on the ice in some SUPER-HEROIC new threads. A shout out goes to the HERO who threw that decapitated fish head on the ice between the first and second periods, and a bigger shout out goes to whichever HEROIC web editor risked being trampled by the Red to pick the fish up off the ice! You may have seen H & V living it up in the luxury balcony with the elder folks ... yeah that’s just how we HEROICALLY roll. Our level of ballerness rivals only that of the crowd that was outside of HEROIC Pixel Lounge last Saturday night.

Today marks the end of week one of HEROIC transparency, and doesn’t it feel good? With the “Reimagining Cornell” task force reports out in the open, we knew people would be clamoring to Day Hall 315 between 9 a.m. and 3 p.m. Monday through Friday to take a peak. From what we hear, at least 27 HEROIC people care about the future of Cornell! That’s got to be a record of some sort. VILLAINOUS? You tell us.

Yesterday we attended a HEROIC lunch with the HEROIC Vice President for Student and Academic Affairs Susan Murphy ’73 and Deputy Provost David Harris for the first open meeting to discuss the task force reports. Now, the only reason we actually went was because it VILLAINOUSLY included the word “lunch” in the title of the meeting. We’ll have you know, there was no free lunch involved. The VILLAINOUS budget cuts are at it again!

But budgets aren’t the only things that may be cut around here. The Marcellus Shale formation on Cornell’s property could be the victim of VILLAINOUS drilling rigs, as they cut through the rock looking for natural gas. We’re sure the HEROIC Faculty Senate will put a stop to such nonsense, if only they get around to passing the darn resolution. Who needs more information? We’re in Ithaca! We drive Priuses! No drilling!

Last but not least, rumor has it a certain University president has a certain birthday coming up soon. Turning the big 6-0 is nothing to scoff at, Mr. Skortdogg, it just means taking 60 shots and making somewhat questionable decisions — urination off the top of Day Hall, anyone? We’ll see you at the Palms.