The Sun’s Public Editor Rob Tricchinelli has written a column for today’s paper (published right above me) about the interactions between the newspaper and our readers (adoring fans, as I like to call you). And I think that is a great idea, so I am going to take the Cornell route, and rip him off. I have absolutely no idea what he is going to write about, but I am just going to give you the straight dope about my interactions with readers.

For example, two weeks ago I wrote a column. A week later, I had something stolen from me. Vandalism or fan-mail? The jury is still out. Literally.

In light of that, here are some gems that I have received from you, dear readers. Now, I love feedback — the stranger the better. And yes, a lot of you are seemingly normal people. But, honestly, the majority of the e-mails and comments I get fall in the range between weird and frightening.

Let’s start with one of my favorite topics: Ron Paul. Citing him in a bailout column (to summarize it: greed is good, put your money in da’ bank) got me what scientists refer to as a “shitload” of comments. Although it’s hard to pick one highlight out of so many, my favorite was, “Young man, you need to oil your gears with the truth.” I still believe it was Ron Paul himself who wrote this comment. And, to my delight, this little nugget was a major talking point for an interview I had at an investment bank and helped me set myself apart from the candidates. I got the job thanks to you, buddy. You helped employ me in the industry that you are fighting so vehemently against on the battlefields of the internet. Seriously, e-mail me your address so I can come hug you.

It hasn’t always been success stories, though. After one of my first columns, I saddled up next to one of the hotter girls in my Econ class. She just so happened to be reading my column. “Good articles today, huh?” I said. “Yeah, they’re not bad.” She didn’t even look up.

In response to a column I wrote about why Guantanomo Bay should stay open forever, someone told me I was “making conservatism at Cornell sexy again, much like Ann Coulter.” Although debate still rages on as to whether this was one of my female admirers or simply my roommate, I’m not gonna lie — I blushed. My tears of joy turned to actual tears when this was followed up by at least five e-mails telling me that I am a terrorist myself. An information terrorist, that is. Apparently, my “gears” needed another lube up.

My pickup artist column received 200 comments on a “For Alpha Males Only” website. I have to hand it to these playboys — they somehow found the time between peacocking and getting those numbas to critically and thoughtfully analyze my column. Just kidding. Some choice comments: “This is guy is nowhere near Alpha ... I’m not saying that I am but I can at least see Alpha from here.” That was written by a man called “Assanova.” Other contributors included ManSpear, Chad69 and Cannon’s Canon. And it only took about 100 comments for them to make fun of me for being Jewish. I’d like to mention who else had the idea for an “Alpha” race, but The Sun has a strict maximum of one Hitler-themed article per semester.

Did I tell you about the Cornell pick-up artist in residence? Yeah, there is one. Ladies, be scared. He was kind enough to write to me after my column and offer tips on how I could improve my game. Unfortunately, he refused my offer to have his exploits chronicled. Who is this “mystery” man? I can’t say, but he has clearly found Alpha. In the basement of Carpenter Hall.

And then there were the Internet People from DC++. Despite the fact that I lived down the hall from their main contributors, it took me logging on to the hub the morning of my article to find a message of “You are not welcome here anymore n00b.” A slight overreaction to me calling them all goat fuckers, don’t you think?

A few comments that I got recently:

“Yev my entire sorority wants you to be the speaker at our 40th and we all really want to meet you.”

“I pour hot sauce on my nipples and touch myself while reading your column.”

OK, one of those I made up. Which means one of those is real. Who gave the Collegetown Creeper e-mail rights in prison? Luckily, I will have graduated by the time he creeps again. But next time you see someone buying a discount pack of hot sauce at Wegmans, think of me.

Last but not least, my favorite: “I loved your column.” Seriously? What the hell is wrong with you?

Yevgeniy Feldman is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. He may be reached at yfeldman@cornell­sun.com. That Really Grinds My Gears appears alternate Mondays this semester.