It’s that time of the year again. You know, when the grass on campus is meticulously trimmed and the landscaping is immaculate, all of which is meant to impress them HEROIC trustees who are here for their semi-annual trek to Ithaca. It’s just like parent’s visiting day at sleep away camp, when the VILLAINOUS sloppy joes would be replaced with HEROIC steak just for the day, so you could convince your parents that their money was being well spent ...

It’s no wonder that HEROIC Arbor Day happened to fall on the first day of Trustee Weekend. Oh hey you, HEROIC trustees. Remember back to the HEROIC days of yore when Cornell was full of trees? No, not those HEROIC kinds of trees, unfortunately. But hopefully the image of students planting trees of the Arts Quad yesterday jogged your memory back to the good ol’ days before VILLAINOUS budget cuts got the best of campus greenification efforts.

Perhaps the tree planting extravaganza was meant to divert the eyes of the bigwigs away from the VILLAINOUS overgrown “meadow” on Libe Slope or distract them from the VILLAINOUS lack of large coffee cups at campus coffee shops. OK, maybe the trustees won’t miss the big cups ... but we sure do! All in all, we trust that the trustees will make some HEROIC decisions this weekend so we can have our big cups back ... and our Ivy Room on Saturdays and Sundays ... and our Swedish and Dutch courses ...

Though we’re totally psyched for the HEROIC trustees to be back on the Hill, we must concede that the even more HEROIC return of Bill Nye ’77 earlier this totally stole their thunder. Despite his curiously frequent appearances on campus, the HEROIC science guy gets us excited every time. In fact, we’re starting to wonder what keeps bringing Bill back. Perhaps the alum misses the limelight, and it’s only at Cornell where he can really feel like a celebrity again.

Either way, we love Bill. He reminds us of the golden days of grade school when things were easy and breezy. Just like how we’ve felt all week whilst we endured VILLAINOUSLY long hours HEROICALLY helping our friends prepare those VILLAINOUS Teach for America lesson plans. Though we wish the best of luck to all those kind souls who want to commit their lives (or at least the next two years ...) to changing the world, we really have had enough of your VILLAINOUS five-minute lesson plans. Please, no more fractions. Please.

In other news, we must give a shout out to the HEROIC Solar Decathlon team for coming in seventh place this weekend at the competition. If it weren’t for your out of the box creativity and keen eye for design, perhaps we would have trumped all of the other boring square houses that managed to place higher than us. Shame on you, you VILLAINOUS judges. We like silos and we don’t like you.