Writing this column forced me to revisit my freshman-year self. Ladies and Gents, it wasn’t pretty. I was bombarded with images I’m loath to remember — of intrepid introductions at the ice cream social … of panicked phone calls home about language requirements … of a particularly tight and lacy brown tank top that made a brazen debut at an Arts & Sciences requirements meeting.

Moms and dads, stay with me.

My point is simply that while I’m hopelessly nostalgic for the bygone days of college (I graduated in May), I don’t look back at orientation week through rose-colored glasses.

And so I’ll let everyone else under the sun tell you how to maximize the returns of your four-year investment at our lovely Cornell. I’ll just help you make it through the first week — or, at least I’ll offer you a few pearls of wisdom that will make your first seven days here as meaningful as they can be.

Practice your handshake

Nobody likes a limp fish. And it’s no fun to cross paths with a bone crusher. Practice on a stuffed animal until you get a handshake like mine: one that is tastefully firm and exudes confidence, in an unimposing sort of way.

You’ll shake more hands your first week at Cornell then you ever will again.

But as you smile and shake, keep something in mind: it ends. Suddenly, not three weeks will have passed when the sweaty palm slapping will cease. You will likely miss it. So even when you think you can’t bear to tell one more snot-nosed classmate the name of your hometown and the major you intend to pursue and what APs you took in high school, remind yourself that the first few weeks is a crucial window. It’s a window where people are friendlier than they ever will be again.

Smile and shake till you can shake no more. Remember, unfortunately, that it doesn’t last forever.

Remove the words “distribution requirements” from your vocabulary

… for the first few weeks, at least. It’s natural to be worried about them. They have complicated and commanding names like “knowledge, cognition, moral reasoning” (College of Arts and Sciences) or “Written and Oral Expression” (College of Agriculture and Life Sciences) or “special studies” (College Human Ecology).

But your first semester — your first year, really — is a time to probe deep into your conscious, to throw up your arms to the heavens and ask for a moment of raw self-realization. Too much? It’s at least a moment to take some wacky course for the sole reason that it sounds kind of interesting to you.

In my first year, I didn’t take a single course in what ended up being my major: history. I lived to tell the tale.

You will meet your distribution requirements later. You might even end up liking them. Take: Gender, Power and Authority in England 1500-1800.

I took it in my third year because it met my historical depth, geographic breadth and historical analysis requirement (and history major pre-1800 requirement). And though I was dreading it with every fibre of my being, I ended up liking it a lot. I even got to study cool things like anatomy textbooks from 1600 that got female anatomy TOTALLY wrong.

[By now, you’re maybe NOT surprised that I found coming to Cornell a wee bit of a social adjustment ... ]

Instead of worrying, promise yourself that at some point during your freshman year you’ll take just one single class for pure fun.

Don’t stress about soul-mates

When I got to Cornell, I immediately began unpacking my belongings with my mother. Within just a few short minutes, three girls from down the hall came to my assistance: lugging boxes, wiping down windows and folding sweaters. It didn’t take more than five minutes for me to know, in my heart of hearts, that we would be bosom buddies until the day I leave this earth.

OK. Maybe not. My first few hours were spent alternating between lifting heavy things and moaning about how hot my room was to my more-than-peeved parents. And I didn’t end up finding those perfect pals down the hall to pour my soul out to. I didn’t find them the first week. I didn’t even find them the first semester.

My point is not to discourage. I hope you find a slew of Chatty Kathys to pass your time with. But you should also know that it takes some time to find your niche.

I’ll let you in on a funny Cornell secret: for the vast majority of us, our good friends ARE NOT the people we spent our first semester going to frat parties with.

So just grab a few amigos and have fun seeing the sites together … without worrying too much about whether your friendships were “meant to be.”

Join

Four years into Cornell, I was getting almost daily emails from our Amnesty International group. They would talk about upcoming activities and make note of meaningful achievements. They would praise individual members’ hard work and outline future goals.

I wasn’t part of Amnesty International and I never was.

But my first week at school, I went to the student club fair and put my email address down at the Amnesty International Table. You should go to that fair too. And you should enter your name into a whole bunch of email list serves — for organizations you’ll never end up joining.

But you should also join one.

While you’re home, start to think a little bit about one thing you really like to do. When you get to Cornell, you’ll learn very quickly that extra-curricular activities aren’t the same as they were in high school. No matter how stellar your mom says you are, you simply won’t have time to be in a play, and play on a team, and campaign for the Cornell Democrats, and teach under-served prisoners how to read.

But you also shouldn’t make the mistake of doing nothing, for fear of the time commitment that comes attached. Even if you don’t end up sticking with a club, you’ll probably meet people just by attending a few meetings.

And some more …

Here’s where I would normally offer some heart-felt statement about how orientation week symbolizes a great transition in each of your lives. I might also stress again the importance of just rolling with the punches — knowing that, in the end, you’ll get used to all the weird quirks of C.U.

But my editor has warned me about being “didactic and corny.”

So instead I’ll end by saying: buy some hand sanitizer, kiddos. Because my advice won’t do too much for you if you get swine flu.

Katie Engelhart, a former Sun Senior Editor, graduated from the College of Arts and Sciences this May. She may be reached at

kengelhart@cornellsun.com.