My name is not Nikki Nussbaum. Well, actually it is. But I'm definitely starting to gain a new appreciation for the conflicts in the lives of Clark Kent and Peter Parker.

I am beginning to notice some significant changes in the graduating class of Cornell, which can only mean one of two things: either there is an epidemic of Multiple Personality Disorder going around, or we have all developed secret alter-egos. I’m guessing the latter because: A) What are the odds of us all developing a non-contagious psychological disorder at the same time? Clearly less than that of us all becoming superheroes at once; and B) The different identities seem to always come out at the same time, which must mean that it’s the best time to fight crime, obviously.

The only kink in my theory — and by “only” I, of course, mean “the only one I’m going to acknowledge” — is that when the alter-egos come out, they seem to contribute to the incidence of crime and debauchery in Ithaca much more than they fight it. This doesn’t disprove my theory, though. It just means that, if we are superheroes by night, we are just the worst superheroes ever.

First, let’s look at the secret identities. By day, the seniors of Cornell are panicky almost-adults, hurrying to figure out what we are going to do with the rest of our lives and actually being — shudder — responsible. We are doing all these grown-up things like sending out resumes, interviewing for jobs and applying to graduate schools. We’ve started taking responsibility for ourselves by learning how to cook, clean and pay bills. I’ve even noticed that some of my friends have started showering regularly. It’s madness I tell you!

Then, by night, we become the rebellious, uncontrollable morons of our teenage years, desperately trying to cram in as much stupid into our nights as we possibly can, before it’s not allowed anymore. We go all Benjamin Button and revert back to adolescence, deliberately ignoring whatever wisdom we’ve acquired over the last four years because we know that this kinda stuff just doesn’t fly in the real world. It’s not just Multiple Personality Disorder, because it’s not like we suddenly forget everything. It’s just that when we hear that little voice in our heads saying, “Don’t dance on that slippery table,” we choose to drown it out with shots of alcohol and ear-drum-shattering ’80s music.

The conflict emerges when our Dr. Jekylls wake up the following morning to the wreckage left behind from our Mr. Hydes. It’s when we feel the pounding headaches, read the drunken texts and see the credit card bill for that bar tab we opened, that the pangs of guilt hit our soon-to-be-alumni selves. But it’s not the kind of guilt you’d think it would be.

It’s not that we feel guilty for doing the stupid stuff, because we knew what we were doing. We feel bad about knowing that it’s stupid. When we are able to see that the immature things we do are immature, that’s when we stop being kids and start being adults. We feel guilty for regretting our foolishness, because we suddenly feel like traitors to our generation. Part of us still wants to be kids, to let the adults tell us that what we are doing is stupid, rather than knowing it ourselves. We don’t necessarily want to be ready for adulthood, even though we kind of are.

Not to worry, though. As the late Ben Parker once told his nephew, “With great power comes great responsibility.” It’s true that we may have already developed the ability to identify the difference between right and moronic. We are smart, overachieving Cornellians, after all. But, for the next few months, at least, we don’t really have much by way of responsibility. We will soon enough. But for now, we are still just college co-eds with parents, professors and advisors telling us what to do. And if power and responsibility come together, and we don’t have responsibility yet, then we certainly shouldn’t have to exercise that power! Sure, it’s nice to get practice at being responsible during the day, but we should feel free to be as stupid as we want when the evening rolls around. Besides which, I don’t know about you guys, but I’m anticipating plenty of stupid in my future.