It’s been one heck of a week for us at H&V. While outside the birds were chirping and the sun was shining, things here at the batcave are heating up as usual. People are angry. They’re waving flags and throwing shoes and passing resolutions to stop resolutions to pass moratoriums … does that make sense to you? Yeah, us neither.

It’s been a morbid week in terms of VILLAINOUS financial news. As all of the HEROIC, as well as the VILLAINOUS, departments contrive ways to grapple with their 5-percent budget cuts, we worry. We were at that VILLAINOUS Faculty Senate Meeting, folks, and we took note. No more HEROIC free food and even more HEROIC Big Red Water? What is that about? Hey, Provost Fuchs — what will be next? Please don’t say your HEROIC dinners at Asian Noodle House! That would be sad.

Aside from the economy, though, we’ve been quite distracted by the ever-evolving show on the Arts Quad, hedging bets on what shape the HEROIC flags will form next. And if we’ve learned one thing from all this VILLAINOUS vandalism, it’s that flags are oh so HEROICALLY powerful. We want in on all the HEROIC action. So we’ve started our own HEROIC battle of the flags. Take that, Harvard Crimson. That’s right. That VILLAINOUS flag we stole from you last year is now flying HEROICALLY high above Cayuga’s Waters. Try and stop us.

Down below the battlefield that is the HEROIC Arts Quad, however, a war of the roses has sprung about in HEROIC City Hall. After a disgruntled war vet decided he’d make a dubiously-HEROIC statement by catapulting a shoe at HEROIC Ithaca Mayor Carolyn Peterson, the city has stepped up its game. That’s right. We’re talking HEROIC post-9/11 airport security measures like VILLAINOUS wanding (read: groping) and metal detectors. Maybe they’ll even invest in some new high-tech security equipment because those would really protect against the VILLAINOUS peace-pipe toting hippies looking to VILLAINOUSLY terrorize the people of Ithaca.

Speaking of sketchy activity in our HEROIC city, a VILLAINOUS restaurant cartel is making our food more expensive than ever. We hear cartel and we think … well … let’s just say we think of things far more VILLAINOUS than chicken salad! What’s so VILLAINOUS about a chicken salad?

And what’s this we hear about the HEROIC Ruckus VILLAINOUSLY shutting itself down? Actually, we’re not even quite sure what Ruckus even was. So who cares about that anyway?

That’s all for now, but we have the champagne. It’s chillin’. And we’re not-so-patiently waiting for the HEROIC shovel to hit the ground to get things moving on Milstein. Yo, Paul, feel free to come party with us when the time comes. You bring the Dom, we’ll bring the Andre. Hey, we’re really just looking for any excuse to HEROICALLY party!