Op-Ed
This Holiday Season, Giving Outside The Box
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Crazy Jane
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It’s beginning to look a lot like Christmas — or should I say the “holiday season.” This is supposed to be a time for giving presents, but I’ve noticed a need for a different kind of giving. Lots of people I know are not feeling so cheery, and no new scarf or scented candle is going to help that. So – here comes the sap, oozing out like I tapped a maple tree in springtime – I’d like to argue for giving what you can’t buy, like kindness and love and friendship, which are much more valuable than anything advertised on television. No, the recession is not the inspiration for this, although if financial strains get more people on board, then so be it. In honor of people who just don’t feel the love imperative to the holiday season, I’m going to get down to the basics of giving, and provide a few suggestions for giving outside the box.
One quite literal example of said box is the big-box store. The motivation behind consumer gift-giving seems to come from a misguided assumption: the more you buy for your friends and family, the more you love them. This impulse was shown in horrifying form last week, when a man was trampled to death by crowds at a Long Island Wal-Mart. Shoppers charged the store in pursuit of discounted items on Black Friday, and then complained when told they had to leave because someone had been killed beneath their feet. The death was a brutal signal that it is time for giving to take place outside of the big-box stores, and outside of the consumerist box in general.
Those stampeding shoppers could not have been thinking of gifts in any humanitarian sense. They were caught up in a frenzy that was primarily competitive. In one sense, they were competing with each other to get the best merchandise. In another, this was the result of a competitive frenzy among the big box stores and other retailers to sell sell sell — a mantra that has reached a shrill and pathetic pitch now that the economy is in a funk. Ads entice consumers with low prices, and paradoxically try to convince them to buy more because they have less to spend — as in one commercial that encourages a do-it-yourself ethic to substitute costly services, like haircuts. It essentially said: Haircuts are expensive, so buy these scissors! During a recession, makes more sense to the individual to shop less, and give more thoughtfully. Instead of buying a book, share a quote or a poem, or write something new. Make a cd instead of buying one — or better yet, just make a playlist and listen to it together with your giftee.
Instead of following the mandate to go shopping, we can use this season as a reminder of the many non-material ways to bond with friends, family, and even strangers: writing a letter, calling an old friend, smiling at someone you pass in the street, genuinely thanking someone, or apologizing where an apology is due. These suggestions might sound trite or old-hat, but they get down to the warm, friendly core of giving. Telling a joke, complimenting a friend on something other than appearance, and telling a truth someone needs to hear are other refreshing ways to give. We can take a page out of the Free Hugs guy’s book, adding a little extra love just for the sake of it. It takes effort to affect others positively—usually more effort than to do the opposite—but it is the kind of giving that holds more value than anything store-bought.
I feel a note is needed here, which is that in order to be part of a positive giving experience, you have to also be kind to yourself. The idea is that positive change starts with yourself—in this case, giving yourself some special care so you can truly give to others. That is not to say that one should focus only the self, because the idea here is to give in order to connect.
Which brings me to a small rut in the road to communal holiday fun — the oft-paired ideas of happiness and romance, particularly in Christmas songs. Lots of Christmas songs imply that if you are not in a romantic relationship during the holidays, you must be lonely. Some examples of songs and lyrics, taken from the literature, are: “All I want for Christmas Is You,” “Please Come Home for Christmas,” and “Fancy ties, and Granny’s pies, and folks stealing a kiss or two.” In many songs, heartaches and heartthrobs and kisses are all wrapped up with the Christmas-y staples of pies and ties and snow. It’s no wonder it can feel lonely, even among family and friends, if you don’t have a “special someone.” That’s why it is important to remember that there is much meaningful merry-making to be had beyond the bounds of romantic coupledom — whether you are single or not. Giving outside the box can include spreading the love around to everyone, no matter your relationship.
My older cousin Charlie never used conventional wrappings when I was little — he would give me gifts enveloped in melted rubber, or in masking tape and newspaper. The very fact that it could not fit in a box made the gift a little more special, and much more authentic. Surely, it is nice to show affection by giving a gift. But it is easy to arrive at a pretty narrow definition of the gift — one that makes money the primary measure of value. So maybe we should take time to unwrap the pre-packaged message on holiday gift-giving, use the pieces to make something more worthwhile, and throw away the box.
Jane P. Riccobono is a senior in the College of Arts and Sciences. She can be reached at jriccobono@cornellsun.com. Crazy Jane appears alternate Wednesdays.