Sometime in the 1940s, Jack Kerouac began his gas-guzzling “life on the road,” foraying West in a road trip highlighted by wild, drug-addled sexual escapades. Gas was 20 cents a gallon. Sixty years later, in a story that began right here in our beloved Ithaca, Tom Green ate a mouse while Josh Parker (Breckin Meyer) traveled 1800 miles across the country in the proverbial college road trip. Parker got the “rewarding” experience we’ve all come to expect (Granted, with a girl back in Ithaca. But hey, she admired his “dedication”). Gas cost $1.68 per gallon.

Today, gas prices are up a bit, say somewhere near $4.00 a gallon. At community colleges, whose student bodies are compromised mainly of commuters, high gas prices are taking their toll by lowering attendance. Cornell hasn’t slipped that far in U.S. News and World Report — yet. But perhaps you are one of the many Americans who was forced to forego Cancun this summer for a “staycation,” which, according to the Urban Dictionary, is defined as the condition of being “to po’ to go anywhere.” Instead you remained in your small town, popping smiley face pills.

These examples show how pervasive gasoline is in our daily lives. No — don’t get distracted by the pleasant part, that smell that makes you think about all the stuff good ol’ high octane is good for: sniffing, making cars go fast and burning stuff. No, don’t get distracted — we need to think critically about the problem and figure out some solutions.

First, let’s not point fingers. Does it matter who is behind rising crude oil prices? Whether its oligopolies like OPEC, or “possible” market manipulation and price gouging by U.S. companies, the bottom line is that the price is up. And because our whole society is centered on the use of oil, this means supply shocks and possibly a return to the “stagflation” of the 1970s. Stagflation is a technical term which refers to a period when the increasing cost of road trips results in the decline of per capita sexual activity.

The narrative is bleak: Kerouac would have had a “staycation” instead of taking to the road, or worse, could not have afforded to leave Quebec, and therefore still have been French (Canadian). In the future, the average Ivy-league Joe won’t be able to afford to complement his or her education by taking the modern road trip — via a plane — to such culturally fulfilling destinations as Prague, Cancun or Amsterdam.

On a more optimistic note, the energy crisis is an unprecedented opportunity for us to come together and find a solution: whether you drive a 1980 Ford Taurus with a door missing, or a 2009 Range Rover, the cost of the trip from the fraternity house to the illegal space in front of your oh-so-early 10:10 class has gone up.

Fortunately, there’s one solution so simple that we don’t need an economist to tell us what’s up — the Gas Tax Holiday. A Festivus for the rest of us! With Hillary now out of the running, only one candidate still has the economic nonsense to give us the Holiday, perhaps in penance for voting against Martin Luther King Day in 1983.

Granted, Senator McCain has admitted, “Economics is not something I’ve understood as well as I should.” Economic theory may dictate that lowering the price of a good just increases demand, bringing the price right back up. But McCain has done his research, and the statistics are on his side — a recent Gallup poll shows that 54 percent of Americans support the gas tax holiday. I believe that’s a high enough percentage to win you the presidency.

As students, we have a responsibility. I urge you to unite and get involved, and petition for the “Gas Tax Holiday” to be during Spring Break.

I realize that this is only a short-term solution. Eventually we will run out of oil-abundant countries to invade. Long after McCain has finished what he’s started doing already — decomposing — we will still be up the creek with no gas in our motor.

But these are problems easily solved. While we are all “on holiday,” McCain will pursue a long-term solution: drilling. We’ll get Bruce Willis and especially Ben Affleck (he needs the work) and their team to save our country again. Just like they did in 1998’s Armageddon. “Drill, baby drill” until we reach the upper mantle, the solid iron core, and, eventually, China.

Environmentalists, be shushed. Oily baby seals are nothing compared to the loss of culture that will ensue from French-Canadian Kerouacs due to higher gas prices. Just look at Europe, where gas prices reach an appalling $9.00 a gallon. The list of cities with the highest gas prices includes cultural morasses like Amsterdam and London. Let the Europeans drown in taxes, while we Americans go on holiday. Can you believe that gas taxes in Europe are purposely raised each year to lower carbon consumption, so that Europe will meet quotas set out in the Kyoto treaty? Suckers. Lucky for us, our president had enough sense not to sign up. We are Americans, and we will not be forced to trade our Hummers for commie public transportation, or even the H3!

But what if those pesky scientists and newly-fat Al Gore are right? What if our world becomes a lot hotter, and New York City and California, not to mention Amsterdam and Cancun, go the way of Atlantis when the polar ice caps melt? No worries. Future technology will solve our environmental problems. If the polar bears become extinct (thank Sarah Palin) we can always clone us some new ones. If UV rays become stronger, just wear sunscreen. And if the polar ice melts and expands the ocean, Ithaca could use a beach.

Remember these issues when you get to the polls this November. Your vote could mean the difference between spring break in Cancun, and the price of gas that actually reflects the damage to the environment; an environmentally stable future with no oily seals, or one where we can still take our baths in gasoline. Oh, the pleasant smell of gasoline. The smell that makes you think about all the stuff good ol’ high octane is good for: sniffing, making cars go fast and burning stuff.

Dmitri Koustas is a senior in the School of Industrial and Labor Relations. He can be contacted at dkk24@cornell.edu. The Bull Market appears alternate Thursdays this semester.