Editorial
Heroes and Villains: High and Mighty
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For us here at H&V, this past week got off to a pretty good start. We spent most of last Sunday at home, sharing a bag of chips with two close friends and a camel named Bob. We’re not quite sure where Bob is these days, but we hope to see him again somewhere down the line. He stole our chips while we weren’t looking. Bastard.
Sunday was 4/20 for all those playing along at home, a HEROIC holiday that has contributed more than it’s fair share to the decline of Western Civilization. Let it fall, we say, for the hookah is all we need. It shall lead us to the promised land.
Sadly, our mellow week was destined to be short-lived. By Monday, stomach flu had taken Cornell by storm, and we were forced to watch helplessly as our friends deposited all manner of partially digested food and bodily fluid on our living room floor. The VILLAINOUS affliction took 55 people out of commission, and we’re holding out hope that we’ve put the worst of it behind us. Maybe it’s something in the water.
In spite of our collective bout with gastroenteritis, we at H&V still made it over to Bailey this week to hear the HEROIC innovator Frank Warren tell us everything there is to know about the world of PostSecret. Especially comforting to us was the submission that confessed to watching Dr. Phil drunk. We thought we were the only ones.
Speaking of getting drunk, C.U. hosted quite the Earth Day celebration on campus this week. Student groups from KyotoNow! to the Sustainability Hub were particularly HEROIC, showing off the projects they’ve been working on to benefit the environment. We at H&V enjoyed Earth Day so much that we’d like to turn it into a national holiday. It’s bound to happen some day.
The combination of Earth Day and 4/20 put people in such a good mood this week that the University Assembly was finally able to approve its compromised revision to the Campus Code of Conduct. The revised code now awaits the final word of President Skorton, who got into trouble with the U.A. some weeks ago for rejecting the assembly’s initial draft. Both parties have HEROICALLY reconciled since then, and the revised code is set for approval any day now. That is, unless Skorton decides to have some real fun and piss off the U.A. yet again. Our advice is to go for it. We’re easily entertained.
Finally, as we get set to leave for the weekend, we at H&V would like to congratulate all the HEROIC professors at C.U. who got a raise last fiscal year. A five percent increase in faculty salaries is good news for all those among us who plan on toiling for years in the murky depths of graduate school before embarking on a career in academia. Be strong, we say, and enjoy college while it lasts. After all, you’re only young once. We’ll drink to that.