Female student discussing politics with friends: I’m going to vote for Bob Barr.

Confused female friend: The elephant?!

— Oakenshields

Girl: He lives in my building, and I just want to screw him for God’s sake!

Other girl: OMG He lives in your building. That's like God’s way of telling you to have a friends-with-benefits relationship!

— Outside Olin

Drunk Girl on Halloween: Look, he has antlers on his head! ... Oh, they’re feathers! ... Oh, it’s a girl.

— West Campus

Noyes Hot Dog Guy: All I do is wiggle this thing around?

— Noyes

Angry pre-med: You’re not coming to chem section?! I’m going to punish you later ...

Badass pre-med: Hah, you don’t know my history with that ...

Angry pre-med: With being punished? Are we talkin’ kinky here?!

Badass pre-med: Let’s just say Marc Jacobs owes me money for how many times I used his scarves to tie someone to the bedpost.

— Collegetown

Senior Dude: Do I have to take a test to go to grad school?

Sorority Girl: No that’s law school.

— Trillium

Philanthropist: No really guys, I’ve been trying really hard to give back to the community lately. I’ve been eating those breast cancer cookies!

— Rand

(In line at the grocery store)

Self-assured man on bluetooth phone: There’s no such thing as a good looking guy under 5’5”. (Five minutes later) Sean Connery is the only attractive 70-year-old in my opinion.

— Tops

Confused Dude: Wait, is it illegal to have a dildo strapped to a helmet [in public]?

Even More Confused Dude: Sure, it’s like having one of those hats with fruit on it.

— North Campus

(At 3 a.m., after Obama’s acceptance speech.)

Po: People, we know you are excited and appreciate your celebrating — believe me, we’ll be celebrating as soon as we get off work — but you have to keep the noise down because the neighbors are complaining and we really don’t want to have to issue noise violations tonight. GO HOME.

— College Ave.

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