In May, the guy at Radio Shack told me that those little iPod-hooker-uper things don’t work and that I shouldn’t even bother getting one. As a result, I was stuck listening to the radio all summer long — in other words, I lived and breathed the top hits of summer 2009. Now, MTV’s Video Music Awards have come, inspired the status of virtually everyone on Facebook, and gone, and many of these songs are still appearing regularly on the radio. Personally, I can’t think of a better time to assess a few of the key hits.

First, Kingston’s “Fire Burning”: I have to say, I am impressed with Kingston’s use of a consistent metaphor throughout the entire song — the image of fire to evoke a girl’s hotness. And by entire, I mean entire — he literally alludes to this metaphor practically every other line. It’s not exactly a revolutionary comparison, but it gives the song some coherent structure. I’m sure you’re wondering, though, who cares about metaphors in a Sean Kingston song? On that point, I would say you’re right. Probably most people just care about the beat. And “Fire Burning” does have a good beat. In fact, the beat is so catchy that at the end of the summer, whenever the song came on the radio, I would forget for a second that I was sick of it and couldn’t bare to hear it once more during my lifetime. I would actually get excited. Then I would remember I was tired of it. But if you forget, even for just a split second, that you are sick of a song when it first comes on, it must be a pretty decent song. I would say that, unless Kingston aimed to snag a Nobel Prize for his literary genius, “Fire Burning” pretty much accomplishes what it should.

Black Eyed Peas’ “I Got a Feeling”: I strongly believe that to this day, there is no Black Eyed Peas song that accomplishes even a little bit of what “Where is the Love” accomplishes. And by that I mean, not one other song sends shivers up your spine and inspires you to be a better person. OK, well at least that’s what it does for me. And not one Black Eyed Peas’ song has done it since — not “Boom Boom Pow,” not “Don’t Phunk with My Heart” and clearly not “My Humps.” But even though “I Got a Feeling” falls into this category of “will never be ‘Where is the Love,’ ” I don’t have anything negative to say about it. I could have done with a few less “that tonight’s gonna be a good night’s," but other than that, it added positively to my summer. Did it get annoying after the zillionth time it was played on Z100? Absolutely. But what song doesn’t (Well, besides “I’m Yours,” of course)?

Lady GaGa’s “Love Game”: My sister’s ten-year-old campers were pleased with themselves when they announced to her that they knew what a “disco stick” was. Now, I’m wondering, what exactly is an actual disco stick? I understand the figurative reference, but if you’re going to compare something to something else, shouldn’t both those somethings be things that actually exist? Lady Gaga has managed to use a made-up object as a metaphor and have everyone, even 10-year-olds, get the message. Pretty impressive, I must say. Gaga’s bout of literary genius may even more impressive than that of Kingston’s. Anyway, “Love Game” is pretty interesting. Tempos change and I admire GaGa’s boy-like mojo — “Don’t think too much just bust that stick / I wanna take a ride on your disco stick.” We can always use some female artists like Gaga to asset female sexuality. Still, I can’t help but want to laugh every time I hear the robotic intro to the song. It’s catchy, but really, it just reminds me of a second grader’s poetry set to a mechanized beat.

Jay Sean’s “Down”: Stop saying “down.” No matter how many ways you drag out the word until it becomes five syllables, it’s still the same word.

Katy Perry’s “Waking Up in Vegas”: Even if you’re not a fan of this latest song, you have to give it to her: the girl’s made major progress since “I Kissed a Girl.” The song’s content does confuse me though — is it really just about the worst hangover ever (having to ask yourself “Did we get hitched last night?” Is never a good thing)? If I’m missing some deeper meaning here, that’s my fault. If not, the worst hangover ever is a fine subject for a song, but the music doesn’t really seem to fit with the words — it’s a little too peppy. Or maybe Katy’s going for that contrast. Either this song is a little ridiculous, or the girl has just gotten too advanced for me.

Taylor Swift’s “You Belong With Me”: “You Belong With Me” has a pretty catchy tune, a good mix between country and pop. But these days, even radio-hit artists are going above and beyond your average love song. Unfortunately, “You Belong With Me” is just that, and the music video for which Taylor won the VMA features Taylor in ludicrous faux-dorky glasses falling in love with the football team star. Maybe Beyonce did deserve that VMA?

The fact is, though, that whether he was correct or not, Kanye’s announcement that Beyonce should have received the award, during Taylor’s acceptance speech, goes against the entire spirit of the VMAs and the music industry as a whole. Besides, as a friend of mine commented yesterday, Taylor is one of those people you want to hate but you just can’t. And now, she just seems even nicer compared to nasty, scary Kanye. Bottom line: “You Belong With Me” didn’t deserve Kanye’s abuse; it has a catchy enough tune and the girl seems like she’d be a good friend. If she wanted to be my friend, at least, I would go shopping with her any day.