When it was leaked last week that The Pussycat Dolls are going to be headlining Slope Day, my boyfriend said, “Nicole Scherzinger is going to be the hottest woman who has ever set foot at Cornell.” AskMen.com, no doubt the be-all end-all of resources concerning the general male gaze, ranks The Pussycat Dolls as the 83rd most sexy women in the world.

Now, from a female perspective: Robin Antin, the creator of the group, said that, apropos the allure of the group to the average woman, “She may think one thing, but I think inside every girl wants to do it.” You’re telling me that not only does your boyfriend wish you were a freak like Nicole Scherzinger, but apparently, deep down, you too would like to be a freak like her. For those of you telling me to stuff it with my hipster / indie music tastes: I hear you. My objection with the Pussycat Dolls is not about their music abilities (read: none); rather it is 100 percent judgmental.

The Pussycat Dolls, scantily clad and constantly stripping, market their image in a no-holds barred fashion: Men want them, women want to be them. On a purely physical level, I think Nicole Scherzinger is super hot — hot enough to deserve her own Ludacris “ho”-ism. You saw the “Buttonz” music video. Even Snoop Dogg, Best Coast pimp extraordinaire, couldn’t touch that shit. As per any decade, sex sells in our era. The Pussycat Dolls, however, represent something specific to our generation: There is, without argument, something attractive about these women to both sexes.

Despite their male-targeted lyrics, The Pussycat Dolls fan base is 90 percent female. That statistic is based on a completely unprofessional survey of people I know who may not be a representative cross-section of the Cornell populace. However, I’ll throw this out there: If you know a Pussycat Dolls fan, it’s almost undoubtedly a woman. Why are we, as an educated female community, buying into this? It’s one thing to objectify these women sexually; it’s a simple, easy sin to want them. But to want to be like them?

McG, the executive producer of The Pussycat Doll’s reality TV show, told The New York Times that these six women represented “third-wave feminism”: the empowerment of women through sex appeal. Carmit, the red-head Doll, told musicOMH in an interview that being a Pussycat is “essentially about female power.” On the same note, but in another world, Suan Faludi, the Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, argued that old-school feminism alienated men through many of its actions — and consequently these actions were sexist, as they drove the groups apart. Separate but equal isn’t equal at all, right?

Now The Pussycat Dolls, with their power and wealth, offer an interesting cost-benefit model. It’s apparent what they’ve earned — money, fame, power and appeal to both sexes — but what is the cost for these women-modeled-after-dolls? Cornell is headlining a group whose profit margin deals on a series of trade-downs: for their success, The Pussycat Dolls traded flesh for plastic, singing for AutoTune, dancing for stripping, photographs for Photoshop. The Pussycat Dolls have undeniably proved that you can make it big by being seen as beautiful, and still be able to cover it up as “feminism” after you’re done.

A concert is supposed to be about music. The Pussycat Dolls are by no means music. The majority of them aren’t even billed on the vocals — Nicole is credited for lead vocals and backup vocals for pretty much all the songs you hear bumpin’ at that frat party. And sultry as her voice is, it’s apparent that she can’t hold a note without AutoTune. Unlike T-Pain, she doesn’t even have the talent to use the voice modifier as a tool; instead it’s a crutch, as it has become for the majority of the music industry. The Slope Day Programming Board, by sanctioning a group with next to no musical talent, is consequently sanctioning their glammed-up, ho-ed out image. It’s what they’re famous for, after all.

Don’t tell me that you just want to dance, you just like the club beat, you just want to get crunk and throw down and wear the skankiest outfit you’ve got. I’m down to do that, too. Maybe you don’t give a shit about the implications of Doll Domination; you just think it’s going to be a good time. Sure, I’m all for blacking out abstract notions of feminism a couple times a year. But The Pussycat Dolls are strong only through their sexuality. They’re not equal and opposite to all those tough male rappers, which might have made them independent women. Snoop Doog and Nicole’s other male counterparts have an arsenal of guns, drugs, money, cars and sex appeal. The Pussycat Dolls just have sex appeal.

To be strong as women only by appealing to men? That’s all we could muster? OK, let’s go out there and do our best to bounce our asses separate from our bodies à la Scherzinger. But let’s not call it feminism.