Op-Ed
Two Cents from the Sleep Authorities
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People have opinions about almost everything, even if they are completely clueless on the subject. They extrapolate from scant data to make a point, to sound funny or to understand a situation. I'm no exception. Let's give it a whirl.
There are a few different kinds of sleepers out there, with some possible variation. Here's a brief analysis of the two most popular sleep-styles, complete with suggested conclusions and/or ridiculously groundless theories:
The spread-out back sleeper: Back sleepers represent the snoring sect of the population.
Word on the street is that somewhere between 25 and 45 percent of people snore. The 1999 Omnibus Sleep in America Poll says that 34 percent of adults report snoring a few nights a week or more and, of those who snore, 19 percent snore loudly enough to be heard through a closed door.
Beyond these well-respected sources of sleep data, there are plenty of other avenues for those who seek answers to all of their bedtime questions, proving the theorized connection between back-sleeping and snoring.
One self proclaimed authority on "sleep positions and psychology" is Dribbleglass.com. Not to mock Scott Roeben (the Website's creator) but the title of his operation doesn't exactly carry the clout of an "American Sleep Association Poll." Still, let's remember that we can extract valuable information from more than the traditional places.
Dribbleglass.com has a nice little picture gallery analyzing sleep positions, punching viewers from the get-go with a statistic: 43 percent of people sleep on their backs. Since Scott makes no reference to official studies, standard deviations, margins of error or exact sources of data, we can make only one safe assumption: he is convinced that half of the sleeping population does so face-up. This indicates "confidence, mental well-being and openness," he says.
Well, old Scott got me thinking. I searched other Websites to check out what people said about back-sleeping. One proclaimed that those who sleep on their back are truthful and tactless.
I felt like I needed to do some legwork to prove or disprove these hypotheses, even if on a most basic level. I asked my friend Rachel.
"I sleep on my back," she said. (Score.)
"Spread out? Arms wide? What?"
"Arms wide, mouth open, snoring, the works."
Well it's a fact then! Good for Scott! I thought more about how Dribbleglass.com described the characteristics of back-sleepers. I needed to collect some data of my own.
Last week I put on my Velcro shoes and walked into our living room where the friends all sat watching TV. "Do I look ok?" I asked.
"Yes, fine," they said.
"Don't you like these shoes? Rachel, you haven't seen them yet."
I lifted one pant leg and displayed them in all their Velcro splendor.
Uuuuuu. Was that a grunt? "You don't like them," I said.
"No," she said. "They're ugly."
Blunt, brutally honest, not liking my Velcro shoes and sleeping on her back.
Case and point. Perhaps Scott's assumptions weren't so farfetched after all. Still, we're not convinced.
Let's see if we can go two for two by taking a look at the spread-out stomach sleeper. My initial impression is of a drooler. Simple logic at work here: if you place a water jug mouth down, it will leak. A Website for Optimal Breathing TM proclaims that "face down belly" sleeping "greatly increases the oxygen cost of breathing."
Hmm. I don't understand this so I'll go back to the ever-reliable psyche of sleep according to Scott. He has appeared to accumulate some concurring viewpoints; both Dribbleglass.com and a Website called "Cin City" agree that stomach sleepers are "probably rather cautious," along with other classifications similarly assessed in careful scientific language.
I won't deny that Scott may have his technical sources or that "Cin City" could be a land founded on the principle of truth. But I feel I must pose a counterpoint to their studies. On the topic of cautious stomach sleepers