As any regular reader of this column is no doubt aware (I think that number is up to a whopping seven at this point), last week I resorted to the ultimate cop-out column of requesting reader input. While we opinion-page weirdos always welcome feedback and commentary and criticism and the like, I actually went so far as to ask all of you -- the readers -- for straight-up column ideas.


And happily, a number of you were kind enough to come to my aid. Indeed, several "entries" wound up in my Inbox, each with its own unique degree of merit.


Some were serious, such as the heartwarming tale I received from Mr. Gross, reminding us not to take our lives at Cornell for granted. Though regrettably, my inability to adequately deal with topics even remotely serious prompted me to veer away from retelling his tale. I can only hope that he understands.


Some were more lighthearted, such as Mr. Reese's account of the inception of the drinking game "Pirate," in which participants take a healthy swig from a bottle of cheap rum and summarily "make a face like a pirate." I was even made privy to the sad tale of some unfortunate souls who were forced to walk the plank, after a lack-luster showing. (A note to any would-be players: many off-shoots of the game can be easily devised, such as "Cowboy" with a bottle of whiskey, "Bandito" with a bottle of tequila and supposedly Dukes of Hazzard with a bottle of peach schnapps. Though I'm concerned as to the validity of the assumption that anyone in Hazzard County would actually participate in such activities, I'm even more concerned that some of my fellow Cornellians have attempted to make an evening out of drinking peach schnapps straight from the bottle.)


And some (from my closer acquaintances) were downright useless. "Jeff, are you an idiot? Just write about that time you went and hit golfballs off the roof of the Biotech Building." Well geez, people. If I thought my own misadventures were worth writing about I would have done it already.


But even with these suggestions, I can't help but think that the really interesting things transpiring in Sunny Ithaca are the ones that I'm not hearing about, the events whose participants are far too cool or too busy to be e-mailing the likes of me.


It's for precisely this reason that one e-mail caught my eye in particular. A former member of the Student Assembly and all-around hell of a guy related to me a brief story of guile and intrigue involving some nameless members of our hallowed student government. Though it's hardly my place to broadcast such things in a respectable college daily, the e-mail closed with a suggestion perhaps even more brilliant than the author realized. "There should be a tabloid to cover stuff like this," were his semi-exact words.


Consider this gem of an idea for a moment, if you will. This campus is rife with news publications. You've got the crazily liberal and crazily conservatives papers which appear from time to time. To learn of the inner workings of who the University's hiring and firing one can turn to The Cornell Chronicle and The Paw Print. And of course, there's the standard setter, The Sun, for all those who enjoy spending their time gazing at little black-and-white pictures of opinion columnists (Danielle's quite a fox, no?) and anyone in need of their daily dose of Mr. Gnu.


But the astute gentleman who proposed this idea noticed a gaping hole in our campus media. Where's that most base and sensational rag that has no qualms about directing itself only to the lowest common denominator? Where's our Star or New York Post? I mean, am I wrong in thinking that this is the stuff people would actually like to be reading about?


What did Doug Murray do last weekend? Who's Scott Belskey dating these days? Did Nostradamus have any predictions regarding Henrik Dullea?


These are the questions people want answered, and a Cornell tabloid would fit the bill perfectly.


Yesterday evening I had the distinct pleasure of being asked to attend a reception, kicking off the senior class campaign to raise money for the Class of 2002's gift to Cornell. On the invite list was one Mr. Hunter R. Rawlings III and some 150 "student leaders," of which apparently I am one. (I lead you. Obey).


And after taking one look around that room, I was convinced. There goes So-and-So, who can no longer show his face at class council events -- but is that because of a political falling-out, or did the underlying malice arise after that night he slept with the Treasurer's roommate and never called afterwards? And there's Ms. Star Athlete, who may act all high and mighty but can never shake the insecurities dealt to her after being negged at Dino's last weekend.


And there'd be no reason to limit coverage to the student body.


At this very same event I was lucky enough to get in a few words with Hunter himself, regarding his Daily Sun reading habits...


Yours Truly: So do you read the Daily Sun?


Tha Hunt: Yes.


YT: You aren't lying to me, are you?


TH: No, I definitely read it. Not every day, but often.


YT: Well, I'm a columnist for The Sun and...


TH: [Interrupting] Well that doesn't necessarily mean I read your columns!


(Zing.)


So Hunter and his cronies may not read The Sun every day, but they wouldn't dare miss an issue of a paper detailing Day Hall's seamy underbelly. Who knows what kind of dirt one could dig up on the phalanx of Cornell Vice Presidents, were one so inclined. And was that firebrand from the office of the Ombudsman making eyes at the ladies of the SCE office? Only time will tell.


This could work. Get all your favorite campus celebrities together and you'll see what I'm talking about. Just like Hollywood it's all one big weird social class, chock full of stupidly entertaining politics, treachery and sex. It's a real-life soap opera being played out right under our noses.


And now that the idea is out, it's up to us to show our support if this dream's ever going to be made a reality.


So everyone, remember to keep your ear to the ground. This new paper is going to need people with a nose for nosiness and a complete lack of moral misgivings and that's one thing I know Cornell has in spades.And naturally, I'd happily compile any gossip you might have till this thing gets off the ground. Just send me an e-mail.

Archived article by Jeffrey Nye