Dear faithful (and alcoholic) readers,

It has been my pleasure over the past semester to provide you with new and exciting beveRAGE experiences, hopefully spicing up your weekend adventures and teaching you how to keep your drinks sexy along the way. Together we’ve had some wonderful times, and assuming that I’ve been doing my job right, we can’t remember any of them. We’ve laughed. We’ve cried. We’ve gotten drunk. Accordingly, I think that it is fitting for my final column of the semester to be dedicated to you, the students of Cornell. Although nothing can replace Keystone Light as the ultimate Cornell drink, I invite you to join me, as we embark on a tour of the Cornell campus and drink our way through college.

Arts & Sciences

1 oz. rum

1 oz. Grand Marnier

1/2 oz. simple syrup (sugar water)

16 mint leaves

1 lime

1/2 of an orange

Our first stop on the road to inebriation is the Arts Quad. 10:10 Philosophy in Goldwin Smith, 11:15 French in Morrill, 1:25 Government class in McGraw, 2:55 wasted in Libe Café. Your schedule is packed and full of a huge assortment of classes, so you need an efficient, well-rounded drink to get you smashed. Put your Ivy League education to the test with a Mojito Martini. In a pint glass, muddle your lime, orange and mint leaves. Add ice and shake vigorously. Add rum, Grand Marnier and syrup. Shake again. Strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Pass out in front of A.D. White.

Engineering

4 oz. water

As we move on to the Engineering Quad, the party stops in the doorway of Duffield. It’s 4 a.m. on a Thursday, you’re still in the library, and your problem sets aren’t nearly done. You also just hate fun because you’re an engineer. Stick to your H2O.

Hotel Administration

3 oz. bourbon

Angostura Bitters

1 sugar cube

After quickly escaping the evil Engineering Quad, we’re on to the Statler and life is good again. Considering that this is probably the only place on campus where you can actually be served alcohol, I would suggest using Banfi’s bar to its full potential. Order an Old Fashioned and keep it classy. Combine the bourbon, two to three dashes of bitters and the sugar cube in a tumbler glass. Muddle the sugar until dissolved. Add a lemon peel and cube of ice, stir and leave spoon in drink. Proceed to play ding-dong ditch with every room on every floor.

Industrial and Labor Relations

1/2 oz. vodka

1/2 oz. gin

1/2 oz. triple sec

1/2 oz. rum

1/2 oz. tequilla

2 oz. sour mix

Coke

You’re in ILR. You love your blackberry, you love your spandex, you’re from Long Island, and you love the law. Your name is also Ashley Louise. Your only drink of choice is a Long Island Iced Tea. Combine all of your alcohols in a Collins glass filled with ice and then add your sour mix. Give it a short shake. Top with coke and a lemon garnish. Proceed to rage.

Human Ecology

1/2 oz. vodka

1/2 oz. amaretto

1/2 oz. Southern Comfort

1/2 oz. sloe gin

Orange juice

PAM, HD, DEA, FSAD, HBHS, NS. Whatever your major is you need to raise your BAC. Grab an Alabama Slammer and get to work. Combine vodka, amaretto, SoCo and sloe gin in a collins glass filled with ice. Top with O.J. RTD [Ready to drink].

Architecture, Art & Planning

2 oz. vodka

1 oz. esspresso

1/4 oz. Kahlua

1/4 oz. sugar water

Poor architects. Not only are you banished to the Ithaca tundra for five years, but you are also trapped in your studios all day, forced to design and build dragons, only to watch your work then burn to the ground. In order to ensure survival, here’s a drink that’ll caffeinate you through the night and help you have a good time within your scholarly prison. Combine your ingredients in a shaker filled with ice. Shake well and strain into a chilled cocktail glass. Garnish with coffee beans. Watch that dragon burn.

Agriculture & Life Sciences

2 oz. vodka

1 oz. Kahlua

Cornell Dairy milk

Serving as the only school of agriculture in the Ivy League (badass), CALS is where we go when we’re in the mood to check out some livestock on the quad or partake in some Mann merrymaking. Manndible should seriously consider serving some White Russians using organic alcohols and Cornell’s own delicious milk. Until that day, here’s how to make your own. Fill a rocks glass with ice, vodka and Kahlua. Top with milk.

Cornell University: Any Person. Any Study. Any Drink: That’s what Ezra really meant to say.