Greetings, gamers! And other erstwhile collegiate misfits. Tonight is the huge, exciting 3SOME episode on Gossip Girl – so exciting that the CW forgot that three can actually be spelled-out.

Speculations on who the 3SOME will be between: We’re taking bets, paid for in booze. Post your ideas in the comments!

1. Jenny is trying to find the hottest cotillion date ever. The only way she can get the hottest man ever, Zac Efron!, to come to this tweener’s high school dance is by setting up a fake 3Some between her, one of her minions, and Zac Efron!.

2. Chuck tries to make Blair and Serena become BFFs again. Because, clearly, an awkward threesome is going to fix their relationship.

3. Chuck finally realizes he’s in love with Nate. He, N and B DO IT.

IF ONLY!

4. Rufus and Lily try to spice things up, now that they’re boring marrieds. We know that she likes dirty things, because of how she creepily pet his Ramones costume. OLDS SHOULD NOT HAVE SEX!

5. Tripp’s scheming wifey finds out that Tripp was hitting on Serena. When Serena goes to apologize, wifey proposes the three HAVE SEX! Then she films it, and blackmails her husband with it for the rest of his term.

6. Jonathan, Eric and Jenny do it, because Jenny feels bad re: the yogurt incident.

7. Carter, missing Serena, somewhere on an oil rig with either: a) two random men, b) two old broads who serve beers to the oil rig types. PS: Doesn’t Carter look like a hobbit?

8. Olivia, Dan and Vanessa have “artistic” levitation sex and then film the entire thing for the Tribeca Film Festival. The whole world throws up in their mouths a little. Rabia and Julie throw up … a lot.

9. GROSS! THAT WAS GROSS!

10. Jack Bass, Blair and Brandeis, the hooker with the silly name get it on in Chuck’s hotel. Jack leaves Blair with the bill.

11. Dorota, Vanya (Rachel: Stop!) and …

12. Dorota, Chuck and Blair.

13. Dorota, Blair’s mom and her little man husband.

14. Rachel: Why don’t you guys just put all of the names of every character in an algorithm and then just list all the possible permutations?