It’s getting to be that time of year. As veteran Cornellians, I know you catch my sub-zero drift. The Ithaca winds are getting fierce, and the snot on your face is icing up faster than you can wipe it. Despite our bear mascot, hibernation is not an option. Yet we will inevitably increase in both laziness and girth, becoming less motivated, less attractive and a lot less fun.

In case you haven’t yet caught on, it’s mid-October in Ithaca, and winter is closing in.

This time of year always presses us to remember why we chose Cornell in the first place, when Emory would’ve made for a perfectly temperate southern safety, especially with our sinking U.S. News and World Report ranking … just kidding.

Doomed by our inner nerds to attend the best school we got into, we comprise the sad and freezing elite. Now is the time students begin to bulk up for winter, hiding beneath layers of wool and cashmere. Students whip out their itchiest, puffiest and fluffiest of sweaters, and though Uggs will reach the height of campus saturation they somehow continue to multiply.

We will sport our North Face gear as if the campus were sponsored and leave trails of hats, scarves and gloves like overgrown Hansels and Gretels.

The inevitable sweat upon arrival to class is among the worst of the effects of the Cornell cold. Though it’s already near impossible to commit to the 15-minute walk to campus each day, responsible students are only further punished for reaching their destination. Steep hills and overheated buildings bring about an immediate stripping of layers and the incessant running of noses. A product of sleet and perspiration, our frizzy, damp hair is done for.

Weather permitting, we can make it to class without taking a slush-induced spill. Remember, it’s only funny when it happens to other people.

If I haven’t complained enough already, I’m going to hit you with another: rain boots. I’d like to know who declared them acceptable so I could deliver the smack this individual deserves. I must have missed the requirement to buy these heinous items in our freshman welcome packets, because everyone on campus seems to have caught on. It’s as if Cornell kids are getting extra credit for wearing these poor excuses for stylish footwear. Wait a minute … are we?

If there’s a lesson here, it’s that being a successful Cornellian in wintertime leaves you sweaty and miserable, with a propensity for ugly shoes.

In addition, it often induces illness. You really can’t win when you run out of sleeve to wipe your nose with and cough on that cute guy in class. How’s a girl supposed to look decent in Trillium with a red itchy nose and a wad of tissues? My advice: Don’t even bother.

A final lament from your ruthless party girl of a columnist is that the fun varies directly with the temperature. It’s rough to rip shots when you’re sick and snotty, and co-ed sleepovers are similarly not a great idea. While underage partiers may venture out in mini skirts despite freezing weather, they’re sure to regret it at the first signs of frostbite.

We find ourselves holding after hours in CTP if only to maintain circulation, whereas our southern-schooled peers are chillin’ — except they’re not, because it’s warm where they are. As for the rest of us, the cold becomes a lame excuse to forego sociality entirely. Boo for the cold.

Though an Ithaca winter may hurt more than finding out the Tooth Fairy doesn’t exist, we students have chosen Cornell as our four-year home. For reasons beyond any of our collective comprehension, we keep coming back to weather that literally chills us to the bone.

But, hey, we’re here! And we might as well enjoy ourselves. So, layer up and get out your ugliest footwear. You don’t get to hibernate this winter.