Even in the earliest stages of my life, I was constantly instructed on what not to do: Rebecca, don’t play in the mud. Becca, don’t throw that football inside the house! Rebecca Anne, don’t you dare stick that Lego up your nose.

All practical advice, I’m sure. But now that I’m older and have mastered the above basics, I find myself in need of more direction. More specifically, it would be nice if someone told me what not to wear.

Every runway show, magazine issue and fashion blog spews what they believe are the next “it” trends of the season. How is anyone supposed to decode the distinct tastes of dozens of editors, bloggers and designers to determine what is truly de rigueur? Wouldn’t it be far simpler if the style “powers that be” told us outright, “Don’t even think about wearing that!”

Here is my attempt to do just that ...

Anything ’80s:

This is truly the decade that never dies. It seems like every year, some horrific eighties trend is resurrected, no matter how heinous it was the first time around. Perhaps I am biased as a ’90s baby and can’t appreciate the nostalgia associated with acid washed jeans and neon spandex. But really, does the world need another scrunchy-and-leggings redux? Case in point: Taylor Momsen. Once our favorite naive freshman on Gossip Girl, now transformed into a tacky Debbie Harry doppelganger.

Rompers of Any and All Kinds:

They’re pants! They’re a tank top! They’re … quite possibly the most unflattering shape you’ll ever see and / or try to wear. Theoretically, rompers are the perfect solution for those looking for ease of wear. You won’t have to worry about finding matching bottoms, top and belt, since a good romper will utilize all these in one amalgamation of an outfit. Unfortunately, you will have to worry about the saggy butt, shapeless waist and cringe-worthy camel toe that will inevitably ensue with this wacky trend.

It’s Not Easy Being Green:

It’s no coincidence that designers seem to be working from the same color palette from season to season, thanks to color forecasting. Pantone, the company that predicts which colors will be fashionable for both home and textiles, typically chooses a handful of shades that consumers can expect to see on dresses, handbags and shoes throughout the season. Hidden amongst the more flattering of Pantone’s picks, like “Purple Heart” and “American Beauty,” was “Warm Olive,” a putrid green that I’ve since seen on everything from cocktail dresses at BCBG to Prada clutches. A lucky few may be able to pull off this tricky shade, but unless you find the look of nausea attractive, you should probably steer clear.

Ruffled Leather Footwear:

I can appreciate a good piece of worn-in leather, be it my favorite lambskin hoodie or a pair of well broken-in riding boots. The proper amount of wear and tear of leather results in a sumptuous buttery soft finish that molds perfectly to your body almost like a second skin. I’m certain that was the source of inspiration for this season’s ruffled leather shoe trend — but somehow, it doesn’t quite translate.

I cringed when I saw the fall collection of one of my favorite designers, Brian Atwood, which featured a thigh-high boot constructed entirely of sad, saggy leather. Aldo and Steve Madden have also been quick to adopt the look, which, when styled in cream leather, looked frighteningly as though the skin on your calves may be melting off.

Some magazines might mention key pieces to keep and others to toss, but at that point, the damage is done. I’ve already bought the now-obsolete trend and probably embarrassed myself by wearing it just weeks before the magazines inform me of my mistake. Hopefully, this list will help you steer clear of a few surefire “misses” hitting the racks this month.