The 161 things list is all about getting caught. Apart from the obvious (#1: Sex in the Stacks. Duh.), there are plenty of entries that can get you into trouble. These range from the boring (#90: Males — Get Thrown out of Balch Hall) to the commonplace but always amusing (#47: Do the Walk of Shame) to the sounds fun but never going to happen because I’m too lazy (#122: Go on a Road Trip to Canada, Flirt with the Border Patrol, Smuggle Booze Back).

I’m not really sure why “Get J.A.’d for drinking in your freshman dorm” didn’t make it on the list, but there is clearly no shortage of things that you can get in trouble for at Cornell.

But in an eight-hour span last week, I went on a Big Red Ambition binge and managed not to get caught (for the most part) doing three of the 161.

First, there was #57: Have a Midnight Picnic in the Cornell Plantations. I’m not actually sure if this is against the rules, but it seems odd that people would be allowed in during the middle of the night. Around 9 p.m., I stopped at Manndibles on my way out of the libe to load up on snacks. Of course, they were already closed. So I made plans with my friend to head to Wegmans pre-picnic. My “Entourage” viewing session ran predictably late, so there was no time for that since, in an effort to stop cheating at the list, I wanted to actually be picnicking at midnight.

The universe was clearly trying to tell me to stop using this column as an excuse for late night eating. In typical fashion, I chose not to listen and headed to CTB to obnoxiously put my hazard lights on in the middle of the street while my friend ran in to get sustenance. Since we didn’t remember to bring flashlights, I can’t really say much about the picnic except that it was very dark. And surprisingly fun.

After a few minutes spent trying in vain to find the Plantations bell and complete #141, we drove to a blue light phone. After planning to say, together, “Hi, can we get a large cheese pizza please?” we parked across the street and nervously pressed the dial button. A woman’s voice picked up.

“Cornell police. How may I assist you?”

I opened my mouth to say our rehearsed line, but nothing came out. I heard my friend speaking, but still couldn’t find the chutzpah to say anything.

“Can I get a pizza please?” My friend shakily asked.

“A what?” “A pizza?” She hung up the phone, and we sprinted back to the car.

Despite my silence, I’m totally checking #123 off the list. So much for not cheating. A mere six hours later, I woke up and headed out to the car with my roommates. We had determined that 7:30 a.m. was the ideal time to complete #92: Go Skinny Dipping in a Gorge. Late enough that it was light enough to avoid tripping, and early enough to avoid potential onlookers on their way to class.

We walked slowly down the stairs to the falls below the suspension bridge. I’d been dreading the cold water since the night before and was literally shaking as I got ready to take off my clothes and jump in. The water wasn’t so bad. I stayed in just long enough to wash the dirt off my legs. Despite the post-sunrise hour and resulting light, I managed to fall down and get myself covered in mud.

And despite my disbelief that anyone actually takes classes that early, we managed to get a little caught. To the guy on the suspension bridge at 7:50ish last Monday — what up.

P.S. Does anyone know how you can milk a cow on campus?! If so, e-mail me at jwarne@cornellsun.com.