A Touching Speech

Cornell President David Skorton: [speaking to Entrepreneur of the Year Jay Walker ’77, chairman of Walker Digital] In the future, will I be able to touch Jay Walker in my room?

— [Entrepreneurship at Cornell Celebration] lecture in Statler Auditorium

It’s Complicated

Girl 1: [after being granted a week extension] I’m madly in love with Dr. Miller. I tried to marry him on Facebook, but I couldn’t.

— Food Science 1500

Pubic Transportation

Boy: I’ve never had bus sex.

— Olin

Parting Is Such Great ... Sex

Boy: So heard you had fun at the party huh?

Girl: Yeah, I gave him my number.

Boy: What! He’s leaving for Afghanistan and you will never see him again. What’s the use of giving him your number? You should just have had sex with him!

Girl: At least I gave him a good-bye kiss.

Boy: That’s nothing compared with sex. ... I can’t believe you didn’t do it.

— Ag Quad

Armed to Score

Boy 1: I forgot that Cornell girls are hot!

Boy 2: Dude, you’ve been in the Army. Any girl would look hot to you right now.

— Tower Road