Dieting on the Streets

Ithaca Thug: I’m trying this new diet: peanut butter and celery. It’s not working.

— Shortstop Deli

Sex Shouldn’t Be Sexist

Guy 1 : I don’t care if he has sex with girls or boys, as long as he has sex with both.

Guy 2 : I think he should have sex with just one.

Guy 1: That’s sexist.

— Trillium

Does She Mean Austria?

Boy with Mohawk: Australia is NOT in Europe!

Ditzy Girl : I know that!

Boy with Mohawk: Then name one country in Europe that doesn’t use the Euro.

Ditzy Girl: I don’t know ...

— Terrace

Hogwarts University

Drunk Freshman Boy: If we were in Harry Potter I would hold your hand and we’d apparate somewhere and then I’d leave you there and apparate somewhere else because I’d be a fifth year and I could do shit like that.

— Donlon Circle

Get Your MRS. Degree Via ABC

Girl 1 : I’m so excited — the season finale of The Bachelor is on Monday.

Girl 2: I like The Bachelor ... but I wish I could be on The Bachelorette ... imagine just having 25 gorgeous guys to choose from.

Girl 1: Yeah, but most of them would probably be stupid. Ew.

Girl 2: Well, I’d tell the producers that I only wanted wealthy, Ivy-league educated guys ... as long as they weren’t losers from Harvard or Princeton.

Girl 1: True. I’d even take a stupid guy over one from either of those places … pretentious nerds.

— RPCC