All Greek to Me

Girl 1: Like, I know the name of our sorority, duh, but I just don't know what these symbols represent. Why are they on our handbags?

Girl 2: Maybe it has something to do with our philanthropy shit.

—Ho Plaza

Practice Makes Perfect

Boy 1: I'll be right back, I just have to change my pants.

Boy 2: Oh, rehearsal was that good, was it?

—Lincoln Hall

Math for Dummies

Boy 1: What’s the title of that book? Vector Calgules? Who’s Victor Calgules?

Boy 2: Calculus, it’s vector calculus you idiot.

—Central Campus

Anti-Tourism

Girl: (Staring at campus tour group) Look at all those losers. Like, just don’t come to Cornell.

Boy: Yeah, and they’re all ugly too.

Girl: Geez, no more uglies!

Boy: We have ENOUGH! We’re all FULL!

—Central Campus

Unhappy Campers

Bio student 1: I hate camp.

Bio student 2: Wait, cyclic AMP? Cyclic AMP can go eff itself. Let’s invite it on a fishing trip. Cyclic AMP, you and I will go on a fishing trip and as soon as we get out in the water, you hit it in the back of the head with an oar. I’ll get the shotgun. BAM BAM BAM! Then we tie cyclic AMP to an anchor and throw it over the edge and yell eff you cyclic AMP!

—Suspension Bridge

Integral Foods

Boy 1: I don’t understand surface integrals!

Boy 2: Well, say you want to integrate the amount of cheese over the surface of a chip. Some parts have more cheese than others, so you integrate the cheese function over the entire surface vector of the chip, and the answer is delicious!

—Donlon Lounge

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