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DiscussDear A,
I’m studying in Europe this semester and everything is great — except for my roommate. It’s a shame, “Che peccato,” but it hadn’t really been a problem ... until yesterday, when I read her diary. She wrote some pretty awful things. I don’t have bad roots, and I’m not that stupid! And I don’t think I drink too much. Should I confront her? Or just dump her entirely? I was having trouble feigning friendship before — now it’s just impossible.
Grazie mille,
Over It
Dear Over It,
Firstly, from one person studying abroad to another, I’m glad you’re seeing the world and having a great time. Whenever I meet somebody with the audacity to say they aren’t having a blast they are immediately placed on my shit-list. What kind of dumbass doesn’t have fun in Europe for a semester of drinking, traveling and great exchange rates?
In any case, it sounds like this girl is the best type of person to dump — namely, the type who doesn’t even deserve your sympathy. I would advise against raising the issue directly, however passive-aggressive it might seem. I suggest you just start ignoring her. Not rudely — you do need to remain civil — but enough so that you can put a stop to your community service sort of friendship.
If she comments on your distant behavior, just explain that you don’t consider her a friend. No need to mention the diary. It makes you look sneaky and resentful. Just say she’s a great roommate but you don’t have much in common. That said, if her comments in the diary resonate with you because they are accurate, she might not be as dumb as she seems. If she’s picked up on your shortcomings and that is the reason you’re angry, it might be worth a bit of introspection to see if there is something substantial in her claims. Maybe you are boring and stupid — and is that really her fault?
But I wouldn’t much care either way. Just forget about her comments and go get crunk.
Ciao,
A
Dear Z,
I am pretty sure that the boy I am hooking up with is two-timing me with his ex-girlfriend. When I am with him, he gets numerous text messages from her, but he never answers any of them while I am there. I do not see any reason for him to keep them so secret if he is not still involved with her. I am decently happy with how things are going between us so I don’t really want to call him out, but there is a part of me that needs to know if he is being unfaithful.
Sincerely,
Txt msg me
Dear Txt msg me,
Don’t kid yourself; it really doesn’t sound like you are “decently” happy. Until you are up front with how you really feel, you will not be able to be completely happy. Also, it does not sound like you have truly established any trust within this relationship. There are two approaches that you could take now. Approach 1: Be honest with this guy and give him an ultimatum. Try saying, “Look dude, if you are still with your ex I cannot be with you.” You need to cut the cord completely. Approach 2: Don’t approach him. Instead, steal his phone and go through all the texts so that you know what she’s saying to him, and then for an extra side of crazy, change her name to yours in his phone so that you know what he is texting back, but be careful not to leave it like this for too long because you may get caught.
These two approaches are obviously for two different kinds of people in two different kinds of relationships. Approach 1 is for you if you want to be in a relationship with the guy and you want to do things “the right way.” Approach 2 is if you don’t really care how the relationship turns out you just want to get some amusement out of testing this guy. If you are just hooking up with someone and see the relationship going nowhere, then I say balls to the wall and do whatever makes you happy.
Xoxo,
Z
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