While there are multitudes of better options, my personal favorite is the purple package with the golden retriever puppy (Cottonelle Ultra, to be exact). Soft, but not too soft (like the version with aloe), it achieves the perfect balance of soft and strong. The rolls are big enough to last for a while and, most importantly, the package has the cutest puppy out of all of them. — about $1.00 per roll

Cottonelle

Toilet paper is a product used universally by almost all people. There is a joke website that advertises “Generic Toilet Paper for Cheap Bastards” as a prank gift. There is a reason for this; nobody likes to wipe with thin, rough, terrible generic toilet paper.

— about $.25 per roll

Generic Toilet Paper

The Verdict: Cottonelle Wins!

One time, my mother tried to send me pretzels and the company, Popcorn Factory, accidentally sent me a giant tin of popcorn. The tin was enormous, with cheese, caramel and butter popcorn. All three flavors were disgusting and stale flavored — gross enough that my roommates and I swiftly threw out the entire tin of popcorn. This so-called “gourmet” popcorn is gross, hands down. — $25.00 for a two-gallon tin

Popcorn Factory

Conveniently available at most stores in Ithaca, Orville Redenbacher’s Movie Theatre Butter Popcorn is the freshest and most delicious option for popping at home. Buttery without being overwhelmingly greasy, this popcorn turns out perfectly every time. This flavor is the way to go, though if you like other flavors, Orville Redenbacher is definitely still the way to go. — $4.29

Orville Redenbacher

The Verdict: Orville Redenbacher Wins!