Stroking at Midnight

Girl 1: So have you heard the rumor that if a virgin walks across the Arts Quad at midnight, the statues come to life and shake hands?

Girl 2: I heard a different version. I heard if a virgin loses his virginity on the Arts Quad at midnight it happens.

Girl 1: How do you lose your virginity right at midnight? Start at the first stroke and be done by the twelfth?

Girl 2: Well, a virgin would only go about 12 strokes anyway.

— Appel

Dicks in Dickson

Boy 1: So what did you end up doing last night?

Boy 2: I blacked out and woke up in Dickson.

— Collegetown

Eastern Studies?

Asian Girl: Yo, I’m in the most random class ... History of the Holocaust.

Asian Boy: Oh, are there a lot of Jews?

Asian Girl: Yeah, they get really offended if you mention Palestine.

— Outside Statler

Dare to Dream

Girl: Man, I hope that guy from last night was as hot as I think he was.

— Collegetown

Really Cocky

Boy 1: My phallus brings all the girls to the yard. They’re like, damn, it’s totally hard. I could bang you, but I’d have to charge.

— Engineering Quad

Eat Shit

Boy 1: Dude, I am going to eat the shit out of this lunch.

Boy 2: Sweet.

— Trillium