Artificial Highs

Girl: Does Sweet ’N’ Low cause cancer?

Girl 2: Only if you eat 20 packs a day.

Girl 3: Or if you snort it.

— Central Campus

Brain Damage

Male Athlete 1: Dude, this song is sick. Who is this by?

Male Athlete 2: Hoobastank, bro.

Male Athlete 1: Nice man, we should put this on the warm up. It’s getting me pumped up.

Male Athlete 2: Yeah, I know. It makes me want to smash my head through a concrete wall.

— Schoellkopf Field

Interpersonal Relations

Girl: So, like, while we were hooking up he called me fat!

— ILR Student Lounge

Porn Problems

Girl: You gotta be careful — if you guys start dating and people are like, “What was your first date?”

Boy: It wasn’t a date. It was, like, she came over to watch porn with me.

— Collegetown

I See High People

Boy 1: Hey, so you know in Lord of the Rings, how when Frodo puts on his ring, he can see everyone else wearing the rings?

Boy 2: Yeah?

Boy 1: I wish it were like that when you were high. Like, you could see everyone else who was high.

Boy 2: Dude.

— Dickson

Beer Bulimia

Boy 1: I consumed 30,000 calories of beer last week. Can you imagine if bulimia wasn’t bad for you? It would be amazing!

Boy 2: Imagine if doing a dude for a billion dollars wasn’t bad for you!

— Engineering Quad