Babies Born With Teeth?

Girl 1 (while watching Juno): Why does she keep drinking?

Girl 2: She needs to go pee for her pregnancy test.

Girl 1: What? You have to pee for a pregnancy test??

Girl 2: OMG, what did you think that you stick it up inside and see if the baby bites or not?

— Apartments on Catherine Street

Trashed or Just Trashy?

Hung over Girl: Question… did you guys put the trash in bed with me?

Roommates: No.

Hung Over Girl: Oh OK. Must be I did that.

— Apartment in Collegetown

Constructive Criticism

English Graduate Student: I just want to say to him, fucking cunt, I’m going to cut you in the face … but I just don’t know how constructive that would be.

— Goldwin Smith

Problems Down Under

Girl: I’ve already tried medication and three different types of itch cream.

— North Campus

Cost of Sleep

Girl: I fall asleep every day. I don’t know why I even go to class.

Boy: Because we’re paying, like, a hundred bucks an hour…

Girl: Yah, so I guess they’re really expensive naps.

— Central Campus

The End Is Near

Crazy Guy: What I’m starting to realize is that it’s the dinosaurs … not the machines, that are going to kill us. I should write a book.

— North Campus